Tuesday, March 31, 2009

WEEK 6- 248 lbs. up .4

Well the loosing streak was broken. I kind of figured that I would have a small gain. You can't eat a tub of buttered popcorn and expect to get away with it. I was ok with the WI. Like I've said before, I am not going to freak over that little of a weight gain. I can poop and loose more weight then that! Gross but true. I enjoy my group. They are so funny. It's good to get back to my regular group.....the over 50 lbs group. My friend from church had gained alittle also. I weighed in the evening, last time I weighed in the morning. I have done well overall. Lots more movement, lots more water, much better attitude.

On Sunday morning I had an anxiety attack. I was more then freaked out, about what, who knows....yes that is frustrating. This isn't the 1st time this has happened. Instead of hiding out in my room I FORCED myself to get my ass up and go for a walk. I went down to the bird preserve and walked for about 2 hours. LOVED IT. Totally turned me back around. I was able to go to church.....so glad I did. I do love church. I have not been attending regularly because of my depression. Which is totally not like me. I am a full time member! I know that my hormones had something to do with this, I got a period after 3 months without one. Sometimes I get so sick of feeling sick. I could kick my butt for letting myself get this big, for gaining back the 50 lbs I lost a years ago. But, I guess I didn't learn the lesson I was suppose to the 1st time around. Here we go again. I was reading Cammy over at Tippy Toe, and I like that she is so upbeat. She said that loosing weight was FUN. That's how I want to feel about weight loss. It has to be fun, or why continue. I have to be having a good time. I want to be having a good time.

My knee is sore this morning. I was up at 3 am with it really aching. I don't know, I guess I need the surgery. I am going to talk to my boss about it. Maybe there might be a way he can help me out. Things are really busy for him right now, so it might take me awhile (plus I need to gather up the courage ) to talk to him. I am continuing with my Seven Plus drink. It really has helped on so many levels. I would recomend it highly.

So what are my goals for this next week? TRACK TRACK TRACK! Water and MOVE. Make it fun, take some chances. Do something new........and enjoy it. Try to stay in the moment, make the best decisions that I can. Most important........GIVE MYSELF A BREAK. I am making progress. I am so much better then even a month ago.

Thanks to all who help support me and make this FUN. Have a good day!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Trying Really Hard

Well I have tried really hard ( ok, not that hard I guess ) to be good this weekend. Yesterday I was really wanting to eat. I had a small bowl of spagetti right after work (that's another bad time for me ), then I went to my friend's and had a smal enchilda, little bit of salad with this really good cilatro dressing. Then about a half cup of home made ice cream. So I went to bed really full. I do not like that feeling. Then today I had a turkey BLT for breakfast. Then I took my grandson to the movie right after his game. I was so hungry that I ate a bunch of popcorn and some red licorice. Then again felt sick after. Too much. I am going to make myself scallops and steamed squash. So if things aren't as good on the scale has hoped for I'll know why that happened. I am not going to be freaked out about this and continue to eat. I am leaving the house for a part time job and I won't be home to eat the rest of the night. I read on someone's blog ( can't remember who, I have been lots of new blogs the couple of days. Anyway she said that she tricks herself when she cheats....like tells herself she hasn't gone over on points, so she doesn't feel like "Well I blew it....I might as well eat all day, week, month, year like a fool." I am sure you can relate. I thought that I might try that trick as a way of getting right back on plan after an afternoon like this one today.

I did walk this morning with friend. Went for about an hour. I love walking this time of year. It's still real chilly in the morning, then in the day it get's up around 80. LOVE IT. It was fun going to the grandson's football game this morning too. I have felt really good today. I am anxious to go to church tomorrow. I have been being better with my prayers and scripture study too. I think that just those 2 actions alone make me feel a world better. So have a good Saturday night no matter what you are doing....

Friday, March 27, 2009

plans for the weekend

I had a good day yesterday. I did eat at a salad bar place ( my daughter was already there, or I wouldn't have picked it ) I only had a small salad......that was it. I had little dressing and no cheese. Then I had left over spagetti for dinner. Last night was the 1st night in a while that I wanted to eat in the evening. I went upstairs and just went to bed early. So good for me! I walked on the treadclimber at work and around the park at my grandson's football practice.


Saw the surgeon about my knee. I asked him if I could wait awhile and see if what happens. Cause for one thing I don't have the deductile yet, another is if I can loose a little more weight I can could put it off for a while. The doctor told me that the tear isn't going to repair it's self and I shouldn't wait too long. Well I guess I better really start thinking of a way to get the money. I can't afford another monthly payment right now, so I hate to do a payment plan thing. I wish I didn't have to worry about being able to afford medical care. I have a job, I work, and I have insurance, yet I worry about coming up with money for this thing. Dang it. Oh well...something will happen. Things always work out.


I am still feeling like a real person, so I will be grateful today. I am going to sit with my 84 year old friend tonight. She always makes me smile. I have walked this morning and I am looking forward to Subway for lunch. I am going on GeGe ( that's me, I don't feel like a grandma ) and grandson date tomorrow. He got 2 stars everyday at school and he wants time with me as a reward. It just doesn't get any better. I am going to take him to the Monsters movie and a healthy lunch. I have plans with a friend to go walking in the morning.....and I will go to church. I always feel so good after I have go.

Have a great weekend

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A New Day

Ok, I'm tried of being a pisser all the time. I had a great day yesterday. I really tracked, drank my water and walked. Went shopping, got that new bra. It's amazing how much better I feel this morning. I hate being in those funky times. I really have a good life. I live in a country where I get to worry about a thing as aburd as eating too much. I have great family, friends, a job, WILLINGNESS, and a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants the best for me.....and that sometimes mean doing hard things. It's not suppose to easy. Right now my food seems managable. My emotions... not so much. I have been struggling with this knee thing, and the pills for the knee thing. I have been all over the place emotionally, but I can feel a sense of calm coming back into my life....hope. I can do this. I have a great support system both in real life and here. It's all my choices. I am in the drivers seat. I am the STAR of my own movie. Am I going to choose to be the hero or the villan. Will I choose the things are going to bring that happy ending, or choose things that make me suffer. Alot of my problems are self inflicted. I've done it to myself. But......and here's the thing I must remember.......I can undo it to myself also. I can change my thinking. I'll say it again......Attitude is more important then FACT. Today I feel healthy and strong.......in all ways. I love it when I can be just in the moment. That is when I get to feel joy. Not happy, but joy. You know what I am talking about.

Have a good day

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

emotional wreck

Well, I stayed pretty good on track yesterday. I ate an entire avocado. I had fish for lunch with steamed zuncinni. Then had a BLT...with turkey bacon of course, that's where the avacodo comes in. I didn't walk yesterday, cause I still felt sick to my stomach. Feel better today, and slept better last night. My knee is feeling better, and I haven't used any pain meds in 2 days, so good for me. I am still drinking my Seven plus juice and it seems to be making me feel better. In like a general way. So that is good also. I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. I am going to ask him since I have lost 17 lbs since this started, and my knee feels better can I wait for the surgery. I don't want to start up again with the pain, so I am wondering what is the best thing to do.

I keep forgetting about the Biggest Loser. I haven't watched this season, and want to, but can't seem to remember to set the DVR. I went out and helped my daughter last night. That keeps me busy, since it's a 30 mile trp out there, and trying to keep up with 4 kids is a workout. ( I know not really a workout )

I am still alittle in a funk, even after yesterday's weigh in. I know this has something to do with my hormones....I haven't been a period for a while now.....but of course the doctor says that all my hormones are fine....Whatever. I know my body and I can feel that something is going on. My emotions have been all onver the place, and I can hardly stand myself I have been such a witch. I have been lazy ( not dressing and fixing myself up every day.....still ) I dress, just like a slob. I am just not feeling it. I read earlier posts. and man I wish that I had that motivation mojo thing still. I have to remember that I don't have to be perfect, I just can't ever give up. I also have to remember that I was just barely making it out of bed and to work in January........and if I went anywhere else it was a miracle.

I am going to drink more water today.....keep better track of my food....and WALK. I am going to make the hard choices today.......EVEN IF I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.


Have a great Day!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I couldn't believe it...247.6....

That's down 4.2 lbs again this week. Kind of freaking out cause I didn't track very well this past week, plus I have been really sick the last 2 days. But I thought for sure I would have gained since last week I had a 4.6 lb loss last week, which I chalked up to weighing in the morning instead of the evening. But that loss stayed plus 4.2 more. I feel totally blessed, I have been watching what I eat, but it hasn't seemed hard this week, maybe because I felt like I was sick and not hungry. Whatever, I will take the loss, be totally thankful for it, and then move forward to the next weigh in. I will do the same things I did last week but I am really going to walk everyday and drink water more. Track better. Look at and be graetful for the life and the body that I have. Remenber Fatty, this is not a race to loose weight...this is about getting healthier. So that being said, I still don't feel real well, and I missed yesterday, so I'd best get back to work.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

FUNK

Well really I have had good days, stayed on track, walked, worked, you know, lived. But this morning I was having a rough time. I was crying and kind of anxious. The crying was because I feel totally blessed with the life that I have. It is a total 360 from the life I used to live. But some of the crying was because, well I really don't know why. I feel sometimes over whelmed with how short I fall from the expectations that I put on myself. And I am not a perfectionist or anything, it's just well, my life hasn't turned out the way that I would have wanted it too. Thru years of active drug addiction I miss out on lots of things, memories, opportunities. I have been clean for about 8 years, but I sometimes get so pissed at myself. I don't think I would change things, I just wish I would have channged my life before I was 41 years old. I got clean and then I got fat. Being fat has made my life unmanagable, and still does. I have acted out on one addiction or another most of my life. I am sick of at times feeling like a slave to the food....and let's be certain here.....I am a slave to food. It controls my thoughts, my actions and the way I live my life. Either I am watching my food, and so I am thinking about food. Or I am binging and feeling guilty about it. I am pissed that I am going to have to be watching my food for the rest of my life. This is how BRATTY I feel, I really don't feel good when I have eaten everything I wanted, or when I don't make food choices. I like the way I feel when I choose the healthy choices and walk. I feel that I have self control. I do not like to feel like I am giving up CONTROL. So why do I feel like I keep setting myself up to fail. Why do I sometimes crap out and do the things that make me feel bad about myself. I wish I could answer that question. I have felt really fearful the last couple of days. I think I am really ready to get back to work. I feel like I have forgotten to do something big. Like something big is about to happen. I am not sure if it's good or bad, but I feel like something is going to change. I am not good with chnage, good or bad. I wish that the feeling would go away. I had to force myself to get up and go to my grandson's football game this morning. I am reverting back to the hermitt I was right before I started to blog. I haven't done my hair for a few days. Again, why do I stop doing things that make me feel bad, and go back to acting in a way I know is not good for me. See what I mean about expectations....I am doing very good things. Eating on track and walking. Being better with water drinking, but still not good enough. Will I ever me good enough for myself. I was thinking the other day....I think a guy was hitting on me. I think, it's been along time since I have been in a relationship or ANYTHING......almost 8 years. When it dawned on me later that he was trying to ask me to dinner, I thought why would he ask a fatty like me to dinner. He must be hard up or something. How sad for me. I am a fun person ( i really do love to laugh, and make other laugh as well ) So what if I am heavy. It's like I would be embrassed for him to be seen with me. Now that is totally messed up. I know it's stinking thinking and that it is so self abusive. I hope that as I identify this feeling that I can put it off. I have to remember that MY SELF WORTH NEVER CHANGES......EVER. But my self esteem is all over the place. From being the best of the best to being the worse of the worse, either way it's pride plain and simple. I get all pissy cause I think I should be the exception to the rule of eating less and moving more. Who do I think I am anyway. I guess I will keep trying to figure that out. Have a good Sunday.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Well another day of vacation gone. I had a good day, got up early and clean up alittle then went to work for a while. Stopped by and visited with my84 year old friend Nadine. I love their family. She hasn't been doing that great. To tell you the truth she just wants to go home. She's tired and she misses her husband of 64 years. He passed away almost a year ago. I love old people. The crabbier the better. They make me feel young. I was a nurse for 15 years and worked mostly in nursing homes. I really did love that job. Too bad you had to work so DAMN hard. The money was not the greatest either. Anyway.....today was good with eating. I tried to roast green beans tonight. they turned out gross. I think the green bean were old. I also kind of burned them (so cooking challenged) They were suppose to taste like frys, they didn't. I will try again. I walked for 20 mins on the treadclimber. That felt good. My knee has been holding up pretty good. I didn't drink enough water, but tomorrow is another day! I will do better. I have decided that I am weakest food wise when I am bored and tired. So I am blogging to keep the hands out of the cupboard. I bought some processed food snacks. not to bright, I know. But I do like a little sweet. Sweets are not my food of choice. I am all about the salty and fatty. I am still drinking my Exfuze juice every morning and I swear it is really helping with my hunger. Like I've said before, if I onlly ate when I was hungry I won't look like this. But it seems like it's been a good week. No binges. I am trying to be on top of my feelings and my food. I feel really focused, I wish my knee felt better. This would be ideal, but I will do what I can. I think I am going to go bra shopping tomorrow. My girls need a lift. Good night all.....I am an early to bed early to rise.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

listen to Dietgirl

Had a good day today. Walked with a friend this morning. For almost an hour. So ar so good with the knee. Then I went visiting teaching and out to dinner with the friend I visit with. In my church you are assigned a couple of women to check in on every month. I feel this idea is so inspired. I have 2 women that visit me every month. I love this aspect of my church. I stayed on track today. I went to Chipotels tonight and probably used a few flex points, maybe 3. It was really spicey hot tonight. I haven't been doing very good with my water this week. My coworker and I were talking about that today. I had been getting at least a half gallon of water. Not so much this week. So I will have to kick it up a notch. I told my friend at work about my blog, so Angelene, if you read this I LOVE YOU MAN. She really is my best friend. She is always so supportive. So today was another great day, so great! I think I will hit the sack. Also I highly recomend the most recent Dietgirl blog. She links up to a audio interview. I love her, her book is what inspired me and that's why I am blogging. Thanks Dietgirl!

flat bread?? what do I do with it?

OK, really quick, if anyone out there knows of good things to do with flat bread let me know. They told me at WW yesterday it's only 1 point. So feel free to enlighten me. I know I can count on my fellow blogger friends.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

DO THE HAPPY DANCE WITH ME.....251.8

Cause I weighed in at WW this morning and I was down 4.5 lbs. I know that some of that has to do with the fact that I weighed in the morning instead of the evening, I usually go to the over 50 lbs. group on Monday night. But....and here's the sick thing..... I have been thinking that I don't want the scale to decide if I am feeling good about being on the program. I don't want to put too much emphesis on the number thing either way.......but I am OVERJOYED. So I feel kind of guilty that I feel this good. I just have too much weight too loose to be freaked out over a small weight gain or loss. I am really seeing how that is helping the bloggers I follow that are doing everything right but still don't loose. You know who you are. I admire that they stick to it, and are doing it for the right reasons. I am worried about that. Am I really doing this for the right reasons? I DO WANT TO BE HEALTHIER AND MORE ACTIVE. I don't want to focus on the appearance part of it. Yes I would like to look nice, but more important I want to be able to walk without pain in my knee. I would like to have enough energy to do simple things, like walking up my flight of DAMN STAIRS (I hate them,seriously). I am not, nor was I ever a beauty, but lately I have been focusing too much on what I look like. I have noticed the gray hair more. My neck it starting to sag ever so slightly, (even as fat as I am). I am scared of getting old and immobile like my grandma. My grandma had arthritis in her knees and she spent the last 20 years of her life at least on the couch. She was chubby, but to tell you (and myself) the truth, she wasn't much older or heavier when she took to the couch then I am now. Ten years maybe, MAYBE. I do not want to be that woman. I want to be able to LIVE. Not exsist. You know come to think of it, I am scared of just about everything. That's why I have let so many opportunities pass me by. I have never been very confident in myself. I think that's because I have let myself down so many times. If you lie to yourself over and over it's no wonder that you don't trust yourself. You know that makes me very sad all of sudden. THIS IS SO NOT ABOUT FOOD. I act like I'm a happy person, and that's just another lie. I don't think that's right....I am happy, just not satisfied. Interesting choice words, don't you think. I do have a good life TRULY. I have a job, friends, great family, and a God that loves me......and THAT I know that to be true! I don't know if any of this made sense. I do know however that I feel much better. I can change. I can, and I will. I watch you follow bloggers do all the time! I have the week off and it is a lovely day, I think I will treat myself and clean my house then go for a walk. b I love this blogging thing!

Monday, March 16, 2009

good Monday morning.....spring break baby

Well I had an awesome weekend. On Saturday I went to the Aloha Festival. I did have some sticky rice and spam....and some noodles. But I did pretty good. Then on Sunday I spent the entire day out at my daughter's house. Has a great time with her and the kids. Dyed my hair a faint red, love it. I walked 2 miles and seemed to do well, but then I couldn't go to sleep cause the damn knee ached so bad. Same thing today. I got up this morning and took a car load of my little old lady friends to Mexico so they could stock up on their medication. We crossed at Yuma, and everyting was good, nothing scarey. I had a fun time, and laughed my ass off. But, I didn't get any sleep last night, so I am so tired and don't feel like weighing in tonight. I will go 1st thing in the morning. I had an upset tummy all day. I think I will do ok, but last night I kept eating those Healthy Choice fudgesicles when I couldn't sleep. I hope I didn't screw things too much. I had a great time with my sweet 84 year old friend friday night. She cracks me up. I am feeling really great lately, positive, and full of hope. Thanks for all your inspiration. I have been drinking the Exfuse drink, and I can tell a differance. Hope you are all having a great Monday also. Life is GOOD!!

Friday, March 13, 2009

FRIDAY THE 13TH

Good thing I am not supersitous. Only bad thing that happened today is the traffic sucked, my entire 4 mile drive home....I know, stop complaining. Work was fast today, it seemed to fly by. Now I have all next week off for spring break. Yippy!! I need to be careful with my eating. I will plan something to do each day and see how it goes. I will try to walk every day, outside. My knee was alittle tight this morning, but it seems ok, so YEAH! I need to go out and help my daughter some next week. Bless her heart, I just am not a kid person, and she has 4. I do try to help out, but I get freaked real easy by kids. Although I think I am a better grandma since I started working in the nursery at my church. Tonight I am going to visit my old lady friend. Bless her heart, she's 84 and is still so bright, and funy, and with it. She loves to watch Walker Texas Ranger.....I hate that show and talk crap the enitre way through it, just to tease her. Anyway, she cracks me up. So if I just come home and go to bed, I should be great. Heads up...Fiber one bars work better then the ladies little pink pills, you know the ones. So good for me! I've found the secret to a happy life is to stay regular. I didn't walk today, cause of my knee I don't want to hurt it again. It's just starting to feel better. I want to give a shout to Jinx, go get 'em for the race, I will hope for slightly cool with no wind in your forcast! If I knew how to do the link thing I would link you to her blog. Baby steps....Enjoy the weekend.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Close call

I almost made a very expensive mistake at today. It wasn't really my fault, but I sure felt like it was. Luckily I caught it before anything happened, but I was pretty upset about it. Crying, the works, I was so upset that I can still feel the sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. Things worked out fine, I had to tell my boss, but she was nice about it. I think she just wanted me to calm down. The best thing was I didn't feel like I needed to eat over it. That was great. It even happened around lunch, and thought about getting a splurge for lunch, ( you deserve it, you really didn't bankrupt the company) but I went home and left over fish instead. Felt good about that too. WHO AM I?? I walked for 25 mins on the treadclimber, knee still feels good. That just makes me really happy. So I have been busy today. All in all it was a good day. If I have time after work and before my meeting tonight I might walk around the neighborhood. Life is good!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Well I walked on the treadclimber for 20 mins. I hope the knee stays ok. So far so good. I went to bed early last night so I stayed OP all day yesterday. I have meals planned out for today and the fridge here in the office is stocked with good healthy things.....and S/F tropical popsciles. I love those damn things. Not really much else to post at this time. I am really enjoying reading everyone elses blogs. Some of them make me very grateful for my own problems. I feel so bad for all the people who's scales aren't movong or gaining even though you are doing everything right. I hope that by the time that starts happening to be I will go thru it as well as alot of you out their. Thanks to all of for your examples of sticking to it! Best get to work......have a good day.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

weight - 256.4 down 1.2 lbs

Ok...I will take it! I was shocked I had even lost, but I stayed pretty good with my tracking. I am going to do some kind of activity this week...ANY. Now that I am dieing to get moving I can't. IRONIC. Plus I think I did really good with my water too. I really enjoy that WW meeting. The leader is fun and we laugh alot. 2 lifetime members there last night. That gives me hope. Just like all of you give me hope. I was watching Oprah yesterday and she had on the woman that had lost I think it was like 250 lbs. And she still has another 200 to go. Anyway, this girl had such a sweet, outgoing way about her. She gets out there and walks and goes places does stuff with her family. I am not nearly that big, but I might as well be, since I hide away from the world right now. Not wanting to go places or do things becasue I am too fat, or too tired or too out of breath, or too sore BLAH BLAH BLAH. Luckily my knee has gotten better. Not nearly as sore and easy to walk also. I am grateful for that. I still haven't solved the deductible problem. I will though....it will work out. Maybe just loosing alittle weight will help my knee enough that I can put off the surgery till I get some money. So onward to the next weigh in. This week I will not eat so much processed food. And, I need to remind myself.....if I don't buy it won't be in the house, therefore can't eat it. Drink half gallon water everday. Find something that will not hurt the knee, even just slow walking for now. Little things, big choices. Let's see how I do!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Monday weigh in # 3

My weekend was good. Got alot done on Saturday, my grandson spent the night Sat night and then I took him morning Sunday morning. I did do alittle walking, knee felt pretty good. Cleaned out my room, my car and grocery shopped on Sat before I rode out to pick up my grandson. Sunday was a lazy day. My knee hurting a bit from all the running around on Sat. I didn't go to church, and I mostly just slept all Sunday. I think I might have been trying to get a cold. Stayed OP all weekend with my eating. Tonight is WW and I will be happy just not to have gained. I haven't been able to walk, so I will not get my mind wrapped around loosing. I had big numbers the 1st and I don't expect anything like that tonight. I really like my WW group. They have a group of loud mouth broads ( you know the kind I mean ) that I think are a hoot. We do have a good time. I am going with my friend from church and her husband, I will be anxious to see how they have done. Work should be a breeze, the boss is out of town his daughter is getting seen by a specialst in Wash DC. I also think my co-worker will be here today, so that will make the day nice also. I haven't seen or had a good talk with her in a long time. I ate lots of proccessed foods. I love those stupid little cakes. But I made good choice too. Squash for lunch yesterday, tomatoe sandwich on 1 pt bread ( love it ) and of course diet jello and ff/sf cool whip. I have found that I love the Sanra Fe Progreso 1pt soup. YUM. Well I read blogs all weekend, just didn't feel like writing much. I am really am not that interesting! You guys are much more insighful then I am. Better get to work.......have a good Monday

Friday, March 6, 2009

Things went pretty good for me today. Tracked and stayed program. Work was real good. Went by pretty fast. Then I went to see the Madea movie. I just wanted a laugh, and to keep from eating out the house. The knee felt lots better today. I am going walking tomorrow, even if it's just at a slow pace. i am not going to be a freak if I don't loose this week, without being able to walk I just don't know how the weight will come off. I have to figure something out about the deductible. $2600 is a danged lot of money. I am trying to figure out something. I really want to get it taken care of so that start getting better. Maybe this is the way it's suppose to be. Maybe it will heal"enough" for a while. And I can put it off for a while. In the mean time I will keep trying to think of a way. I bought bunch of fruit and veggies yesterday. I will glad when it's watermelon season again. I love watermelon. I am really pretty tired tonight, so I think I am going to get in bed and watch some TV....I am feeling like a Daily Show. Goodnight.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Good Thursday Morning

Feeling good this morning. Knee is feeling sore, but not actually pain. I am calling the insurance company today, and I have to go the Social Security office today. (may God have mercy on my soul) I hate to wait, so this ought to get me in a really good mood. I am just going to be cool, bring a book, and chill! we'll see what happens. Read lots of good things to get me going this morning. I loved Carla's last 2 posts. She has hit the nail on the head. This food addiction thing is totally centered in my mind, not in the food. This I know to be true. Then my mind tried to tell me that it's ok, I can handle a little sugar without binging.... it's a total mind F**k. Gotta love the brain. I have been trying this super juice called Exfuze. I wasn't very hungry yesterday, we'll see if it happens again today. Truely, if I only ate when I was hungry.....I wouldn't be a Fatty Mcbutterpants! Can I get an AMEN. I am hoping to have my computer at work fixed today so I can post some more. KEEP INSPIRING ME!!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Weird....

While I was on blogger a couple of days ago and my computer at work got a virus. For some reason I haven't been able to post from my co-workers computer. Anyway it was weird, I couldn't write all dayI. Not that I have anything earth shattering to say, still.......what if??

Stayed on points and have been tracking everything. The doctor says that the cyst in my leg somehow leaked into my leg. That's why the swelling. Plus, I have torned medicsas(totally wrong spelling) something, and they want to do a scope to trim and clean the area. I am concerned about the procedure. How I am going to pay the deductable, where I am going to stay when I have it done. I have about 9 stairs to climb to get to my room. The pain pills aren't really working, then I have that whole am I really in that much pain or do I just want to take the pills. Say hello to my addict friend, ME. I am sure it will all work out, it always does. Since I can't really even walk, I really can't exercise, which is pissing me off too. Just when I have my moving mojo back and I can't move. So I have been really watching my points. I have been thinking this is one way to try to change my thinking about WHY I want to loose weight. I read a great post today by HopeFool about WHY do you want to loose weight. Anyway, she made me think about my whys. Are my intentions for wanting to loose the weight the right intentions? Probably not all my intentions are pure, but then anyone with an ego probably feels the same way. But, now that my health and my movement are limited I really want to loose weight just for that reason alone. I have been pretty good the last couple of days as far as overeating. Even if it's "diet food" I am still binging.

Well enough from me, hope all is well in your world........

Monday, March 2, 2009

weigh in #2 257.6 lbs

I can't believe it, I loss 7 lbs. Who knew?? I was shocked. I really didn't even count the last 2 days. I know it's just the 1st week, so I will be glad when stays down. I can't believe it, I am sitting in the meeting and I feel like I want to tell everyone just how important blogging is, what a help it has been over this last week. What great tips can be found FOR FREE with this network of people. If I feel like a meeting, I just click, and I have lots of help and encouragment. On to next week......I feel good, now if he can just fix my knee tomorrow life would be perfect. Keep inspiring me!!

WI Monday......week 2 on weight watchers

Well it's weigh in Monday. I think I will do good, I cheated and got on the scales at the daughter's house last night. I was down like 7 lbs., but that can't be right. I would be happy for just any lost. I ate so many sugar free tropical popsciles, and so much diet jello with FF cool whip. Plus, I ate an entire pineapple over the weekend. I just couldn't stop. I went to church yesterday with my daughter, and I ate dinner out there also. She had chicken pot pie, but I just had a smaller portion. It was Costco kind, it really wasn't that good. I really didn't do much this weekend. I didn't go to any movies ( rare ). Didn't do any housework either. I feel like I spent most of the weekend driving to my daughter's house. She live about 30 miles away. My knee was so sore last night. I was kind of ( ok I was a big ) brat. I whined all day yesterday. I hate it that I can't walk the way I want to. I have noticed that my gait is even differant. I have an appointment, I think tomorrow, with the doctor to go over the results of the MRI. Work will be good, Monday is a get used to being back to work day. I have been awake since 3 am. That drives me crazy when that happens. I have enjoyed reading lots of your blogs this weekend. So inspiring, and I really do feel like I have found a whole new group of friends. Well, I am going to try and clean my room before I get the heck out of here. Ok, one more thing.....I WANT TO LIKE OATMEAL. I'm sure this is a thing from childhood.....I really hated it, and my mom made me eat it. But it's such a good food, and I wondering if I could get some oatmeal tips.



Thanks.....let's make it a grrrrrrrrrreat day!