TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Here are the pics that I took yesterday with the girls at the Bird Park. I started out chasing them. I don't know any kid that doesn't like being chased. Walking on the wall. I wish they both would have looked at the camera at the same time, but it was not to be. Those ducks are sure trained. As soon as they see humans on the bridge they swarm around. Those girls love the Quack Quacks. I caught her! I am having a better day. I decided to return the van. I can still drive it during the day. Someone anonymous commented that I know that SHE doesn't make me crazy. I allow it to upset me. It's true. I walked 4.5 miles and rode the bike to work. It was 90 degrees at 5 am with a dew point of 49%. WET! It felt good this morning to wave at everyone while riding my bike to work. With a smile on my face! I loved Roxie's 1st post today about loving her legs. I get more compliments on my legs now then ever before. I love how powerful they are. Like her, I am saying....WHO KNE...

Thanks for the kind words yesterday. The woman is truly a nut. I had to go to her house to get checks signed yesterday and she acted like nothing had ever happened. Overly nice. Why, oh why do I let her mess with my head. I know she's a nut. It's not about me. It never is. If only I could remember that when I am feeling so hurt. Enough about her, let's talk about me. I had the 2 Ggirls over for a GeGe sleep over. Had so much fun. We went swimming and had a healthy dinner of salmon and veggies. Then we watched a movie and hit the hay early. Up at 4:30 am. Their little heads popped up when I said we were going for a walk. Had a good brekkie and then hit the bird park. All that and the kids were home by 8am and was at work. Not too shabby! It was just the diversion I needed. I have decided to take a 4 day weekend starting Thursday. Going to take a "me" day and get ready to head to Utah. The schools will be closed next week, but I will be on call....

Ok , time to post something. Anything. I had a horrible weekend. My crazy boss lady ( not the boss that let me borrow the van ) made me feel like a piece of crap again Saturday. Nothing like going in on your day off and get lectured. I am really having a hard with her. Now she tells me she doesn't want to feel guilty cause she backed out of helping me. She asked that I not do nice things for her. REALLY?? If she wants something done she will pay me. She was very upset that her son ( my other boss ) insisted that I use the business van. Oh.My.Hell. I am keeping the van. It's going to be 110 out there. Her and her son can fight it out. Anyway, I cannot figure out why she is treating me like this. It's like she "wants" me to ride my bike in 110. Like I must be made to suffer. Not sure why. Though I have a feeling she is not going to give me a "handout". She is convinced that I am the poster girl for the Left. Not sure why that is either. I am just not as Co...

Or why am I so Crabby today. UGH! I put on a pair of size 12 capris this morning and they were just a little bit snug. Mind you, they fit better today then ever before. Yet, they were alittle snug. As the morning wore on they became uncomfortable. So home I went. Put on another pair that last week fit great for the 1st time. Today they were alittle snug too. UGH! Then I went for a doc appointment this morning and I weighed 4 lbs more then last time. OK! This has got to stop. The snuggie capris have trigger TCB to really let me have it! "Oh you Fatty 2x4 couldn't get through the kitchen door". My dad used to sing that in alittle song. Not in a mean way. My sister can remember that one I'll bet. The pants have never fit really good. Why did I choose to wear them today. UGH! Wearing better fitting pants, and feeling less crabby. I haven't done very well this week. I have eaten out too much. I am like a kid who suddenly has freedom. I don't have a kid to cook for,...

This beautiful woman is my friend Ms. Paris. She is 87 years old. She attends Silver Sneakers (old people's fitness class) 4 times a week. She drives her own car. Still hits up Goodwill every half price Saturday and ALWAYS wears a different hat to church. EVERY WEEK. Last week it was a gold hat with a bow as big as her head. At the age of 50 she went back to school and got a PhD in Psychology. She then went to work on the Big Island of Hawaii and was the island's 1st school psychologist. She raised 6 children and has been married 5 times. Once to a man 30 years younger then her. She brought him back from Hawaii. I love to hear her stories ( she has lots ). They are mostly about the men in her life. She said that the younger women would ask her how she was getting all the younger men. She told them "I've been a girl a long time, pay attention, you might learn something". If she can go back to school at 50....what's stopping me?? She is a brave woman. She's ...

Weekend was wonderful. Did not want to come back to work, but here I am. Went to see Toy Story on Saturday. Very cute. 3D was okay too. My stomach got upset, but I think that was due to the butter on the theatre popcorn. It SUCKED. So here's an NSV .....I gave the popcorn away. Who knew?? You really don't have to eat something just becuase you spent money on it. The litle girl sitting next to me thought she had won the lottery. So did her dad. At $9 bucks (before noon) a ticket it gets real expensive to take your family to the movie. Then I went out to babysit the Gkids while Mom and Dad had a nice relaxing dinner out. We made TJ's little meatloafs . The kids helped make them. Really fun and they love them. Sunday was a long bike ride. Missing my dad yesterday. Then church. I am going to devote an enite post to the lady that I serve in the library with She is a 1st class character. 87 years old. Then Cassie and the kids came over and we went swimmi...

Ok first things 1st. The Meet the Parents dinner went so well last night. My future DIL's parent's were very nice and we chatted and laughed and just had a great time. They just adore my son. It makes me so happy I cried on the home. I am a boob. Her mother sent me a message on FB telling me I am a lucky mom. I really, really am. I think she's a pretty lucky mom herself. Those 2 kids are so in love and it's adorable. The bride has lots of cute ideas. Her and my daughter were getting so excited about the wedding planning. I can tell my daughter really likes the bride. My daughter has a half sister that lives here in the valley, but she doesn't really have alot in common with her. This could be the sister she always wanted. I was out the door by 5 am got in another 5 miles this morning. The last 1/2 mile I was begging them to just roll me home. I made it, but my butt and hips were killing. They feel much better now. I love my walking buddies and the early morning visi...

Good Friday morning. Hello weekend. My son his loaning me this car this weekend. Nice kid. We are going to the Meet The Parents dinner tonight. My daughter and Gkids came over and went swimming last night. Lots of fun. You can not stay in a bad mood for long with my youngest Gdaughter (pictured above) around. EVERYTHING excites her. We came home and had turkey BLTs for dinner. I t was a nice way to end the day. Then we watched the playoff game and my youngest Gson out of the blue yelled.....Lakers play like a girl. I found that hysterical. Anyway, they showed him who plays like a girl. It was a good game. Congrats to all you Laker Fans...(TJ) I had a pretty emotional day yesterday. I am really milking this resentment. I try to leave it alone. When I "notice" that I am thinking crazy again I think of something else. It's ongoing. Plus other things are happening and well, it's kind of like dumping salt into my wound. Again, I am sure I am magnifying those feelings becau...

I basically just sent this in an email to a friend, but I decided to share it here as well. I have been questioning my intentions and the part I played in getting all upset over this car thing. I know that most of my unhappiness comes when I have a resentment. Like this stupid car thing. The friend is my crazy boss lady. She OFFERED to help me. I have been doing extra kind things for her since she blew up at me awhile back....remember that?? I started out doing it because I truly believe that if you don't want to resent someone you should serve them. So this has been going on for awhile. I do enjoy it. Plus it drives her crazy because I won't let her pay me. Which I really don't want to be paid for doing her dishes, or running the vacuum real quick. I really thought I was doing it out of love. Then when she told me that she talked it over with her hubs and they decided not to do help me I was hurt. Which really means that I was pissed. Anger is a perceived inj...

I got some disappointing news yesterday. My friend that said she would help me get a car now says she won't. I took the news well. This is what happens sometimes. My feelings were hurt more than anything. I thought they loved me and I felt like I was a member of their family. I guess I was wrong. Riding in the summer heat is nothing compared to having your heart broke. I have cried and cried over this. However, I have not eaten over this. I have decided to put a positive spin on it. I will survive. I will do something totally new to me. I will save money for a car. Go figure. It will be a good lesson. Now mine you, I will probably bitch and moan. And yes, you will probably be the ones that I bitch and moan to. Spoiler Alert for the next year. I just can't see paying the kind of interest I would have to pay. As a gift, a Loving Heavenly Father prompted me to this video this morning. I will not quit! I will not give up! I know that there is help and happin...

.....that was a busy little outfit. Thank you so much for all the tips. I love the bare leg idea, but it too short for a 50 year old woman. That's why I went with leggings. I have a black sweater and I am going to use that the next time I wear it. It might not be till November. It is really heating up out there. I really want to find a car. I have my daughter looking around for me too. I am just not good at stuff like this. I have an appointment with a lawyer friend from church tomorrow. I should have done in the 1st place. Anyway, I have a friend that has so very graciously offered to come and hold my hand at the appointment and to file. Having some one there that doesn't have an emotional investment is a huge help. I have attached so much emotion to this stuff that I have wallowed long enough. It's getting down to push comes to shove. My son with the car moved out and I don't want to put pressure on their new relationship. Poor kid is trying to figure out how to pleas...

I am so stinkin bored. I have things I could be doing, but alas, I am feeling quite lazy. I walked this morning at 5 am, but one of my walking buddies didn't have a sitter for her kids, as her hubs is out of town. So we only walked 30 mins . Wished it would have been longer. Then I came home and went back to bed. Not really a good idea, now I feel tired. Like when you get too much sleep. Anyway . I don't have a car today so I am hanging out at home. I am going to do some organizing and I think that I might go swimming. Some how I have lost my suit bottoms. I am hoping that a friend might bring my bottoms and her kids and then I can go. I surely can't go without bottoms. I am saying bottoms too much............moving on. I am doing good food wise today. Not really snacky . Keeping busy. It's not suppose to get up 100 today. I might ride the bike to the thrift store later and browse around. Have been watching hulu catching up on Glee. Love that show. It seems kind of...

Birds birds birds. While on our 4 miler this morning we saw a hummingbird. We've seen this same ( i think it's the same ) bird the past 4 mornings. Right in the same spot. Kind of cool. This morning after we saw the hummingbird, I was chatting away and a woodpecker pecked just at the right moment to give my words added emphasis. Like he was saying "here, here!" "I agree". It was funny. Then while on my way to work I had to wait for a peacock to cross the street. Kind of cool again.....either that or I need to get a life. Sometimes I think I am too boring. Oh well. I will take boring. I lived enough chaos. Life for my little family keeps getting better and better. My son popped the question to his GF at Disneyland and so it's official.......facebook official. Everyone one at the school knew. It was cute. They posted a pic with their matching Mickey t-shirts. You know, I am not even a little sad anymore. I was at 1st, but she is a great girl. He is so happ...

Still alive. Scale going down. Feeling good. Very busy. Will write more later. Hope everyone is doing great! Will catch up soon.........keep the mood and the food real.

Let's talk about you. What do you think about me? That's pretty much how my mind set has been. Selfish. Self pity. Ungrateful. Not so anyone but me would know it, but I know it. I have had the opportunity to be around 2 other women who have major things going on right now. My friend that got busted is going into to detox. My daughter and I are taking her 2 kids. At least that's the plan. She was suppose to go in last night, she pushed it back. I am not surprised. She still think she has it going on. Been there, done that. I have another friend that is struggling in her marriage. She is married to man that I am sure has some thing like Aspergers. Being married is hard enough, but he is making it SO HARD! She has 6 kids too. She feels trapped and depressed. It was all I could do not to just burst into tears for both of them. I was over come with a feeling of gratitude this morning. I have my struggles. Money, food, fear, change, TCB attacking me out of now where. After seeing...

Well it's 6 pm and I am not over full or asleep. It's a red letter day. I was down on the the scale this morning. I am still full from lunch so I am just going to eat light tonight, if at all. I have done much better with food over the past 2 days. Got a 4 miler in this morning. No bike. Drank H2o but could have done better. But like Miz said better is a victory. I really thought about that all day. Not just in the weight loss sense but in all areas of my life. I have really been trying to practice simply doing the next right thing. I have to remember that it's usually a small thing. I had a good morning with the therapist. This was the 1st week I felt like it was worth it. So that's something. My son is home tonight and sad. I don't know what happened, but it has something to do with the GF. He kind of talked to me about it. He really has it bad for this girl. We'll see what happens. Hope everyone else had a good day...........keep the mo...

Here's the 411. I am feeling better. I walked 3.7 miles this morning plus rode the bike to work. That is the one thing that I have not stopped doing, and that's my morning walk. At least 3 miles everyday. No excuses. Pardon me while I break my arm to pat my own back. I am up on the scales again this morning. It's ok . This too shall pass. I am having a hard time. Everything everyone said yesterday made a lot of sense. I know that I am using food. Believe me, I know. I do have a lot going on. Sometimes I just feel like I should be Super Woman. That I shouldn't feel things so much. I feel things deeply. I think that's the reason I started using drugs. I must remember they are just feeling. They won't kill me. Yes, they are uncomfortable. Yes, I am allowed to bitch and moan if I want. Yes, it's just temporary. Eating was better yesterday, but not perfect. I drank a lot of water and the bags under my eyes weren't so bad this mornin...