TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

I am listening to the latest No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books. Blue Shoes and Happiness. They are sweet simple stories about a woman in Botswana Africa. She is a "traditionally built" woman. This means of course that she is heavy. I have never seen the show on HBO, but I love the books. In this book she decides to go on a diet. All her litle "insights" about going on a diet are cute....and so true. My favorite is how it's human nature that when you decide to restict ANYTHING you always end up wanting more of it. How she thought that was funny, until she herself was on a diet, now not so funny. How she gets crabby when she's hungry. I could so relate and it made me smile. People, we are more alike then we are different. The book is written by a white man, which I think is great. See, more alike then we are different. I have my grandkids birthday party today. My daughter, "C," is doing 2 kids in one party. They are still young enough that they don...

I was driving out to my daughter's tonight and saw a frightening thing. There was a very, very heavy man in a motorized scooter that had both of his legs amputated below the knee. My heart broke for this man. It was over 100 degrees here today. All I could think was how I don't want that to be me. I thought to myself how lucky....blessed...I am. I am relatively healthy. I have got stuff going on, but after seeing that I will take my own problems, thank you very much, and be grateful for them. I have wondered about that man all night. You know, just like any other addiction, just when you think you've hit rock bottom.......the addiction tells you to grab a shovel and dig deeper. I hope that I have really hit my bottom with this attempt to loose weight. Losing the weight is easy part, it's the keeping it off that is always my problem. Just like a comment left by HotchPotchery , I loose 30 and then gain 45. Not this time, damn it. I sound like an old bl...

Feeling better. I always do, I wish I could remember that when I am in the mist of my saddness, or what ever it is. Ate better, walked a total of 6 miles the last 2 days and I am so glad I did. It makes all the difference. Thanks so much for all your encouraging comments. I am so tired, it really took all my energy to walk and go to work. It's better then putting myself in a food coma and sleeping all day. I am hoping that the hormones help. I am sure that was the reason for the weekend melt down. Part of it anyway. Going to focus on H2O tomorrow. I went food shopping and bought good food. I have been eating too much take out. I really hate to cook, but if I did it more I would get better at it. My friend gave me some swim suits. 5 to be exact. She is about 30 lbs ahead of me in weight loss so when she goes down a size I get her stuff. It was Christmas in May! I am not going to give up. This is what I do. I get down about 30 lbs then I stop. I give up. I sabato...

Well, I have just wanted to give up. I have been eating so poorly. Doing FAT GIRL things that I thought I was done with. Take out.... IN BED.......going to the food store JUST to buy a binge. Eating in my sleep. Waking up to EAT, then fall back to to sleep. SLEEPING all day yesterday and missing the holiday. That's kind of how I felt all week. I wasn't upset that I had gained alittle at my weigh in, it was the fact that I didn't eat one dessert when I was out of town. Then I get back and blow it all to hell. I have eaten crap I wouldn't have even thought to eat last week. I do not understand...WTFreak. This usually happens when I get put on new meds, which I was. I got a hormone patch. I hope this helps. But right now it just seems to make me hungry or horny (tmi). Neither one is good for me. I am going to call the doctor today. I am just so sick of feeling like crap. I haven't walked in 2 days....feel crappy about that. I have really just wanted to check out for aw...

Why, oh why do I binge. I HATE that out of control feeling. Yesterday started off good...walked , water was going great......then came lunch. We decided to go to Rubio's. They have healthy choices there and I ordered what I thought was a 7 pt chicken bowl. When I got it I knew DANG well it wasn't 7 pts., but well, I thought what I don't know...blah blah blah. Got back to the office and looked up the nutritional info and found out that it was 12 POINTS. HOLY CRAP! I was not expecting that. Well, after that I had some chocolate kisses, then I had turkey tacos with the low point tortilla for dinner.....then another...then FOUR 100 cal snack packs, chocolate pretzels. I bought them just for that purpose. Of course I wouldn't admit that to myself at the store. DAMN IT. I was sick and feeling "gross full" when I went to bed last night. Plus I drank almost a gallon of water. GROSS FULL. I have no clue why I decided to start...what was the point where ...

Well WW weigh in last night wasn't too bad...up.4 lb. I am ok with it, I didn't count points while I was on my trip....and I am just happy to maintain my "sick" weight last week. Last week I weighed in the morning and I was sick and hadn't eaten for 2 days. I usually weigh in the evenings. So I am very happy with the number. I kind of over did it last night, but by the time I got home from WW I was starving...not a good place to be. All in all I did good yesterday. I got started extra early this morning with my walk....we did 3.5 miles this morning. Plus, I got my 1st blisters! Kind of a badge of courage. I can say that cause they really aren't that bad. I am off to a great start with my water. Using the clicker again, and staying on points. So next week there will be a loss! Funny wedding story......I bought a size too small pantyhose. I don't wear pantyhose so I thought that size would be ok. Well, they weren't! In the middle of the...

My nephew Walker and my grandson Javi My son and Javi...love this one... Me with the cousins!

This is my sister and my nephew, the Groom. I know, she looks like his sister...lol. The wedding was wonderful and the bride was beautiful. This is Alivia, she insisted on carrying her own bag to the car. The girls were pretty good yesterday on the ride home. Actually they did very well. I was beat by the time I got home. I woke up at 5:30 am and walked for an hour, then ate some kashi waffles...I love them. Then fell back alseep till around 11 am. I was tired! Then I rode out to my daughter's and went swimming and had alittle lunch. I am back to my clicker, I just tried to stay with sane eating while in Utah. I was very successful in my eating. I ate what I really wanted, and then just a bit. I felt really good about my choices. I had NO DESSERTS at all. However I did eat pizza, and we shared a delicious nachos in Park City. My sister walked with me 2 out of the 3 mornings. I had to deal with hills. Arizona is flat! I did well, and got quite the workout. I think the weigh in w...

Really quick before I get in the shower. I am having a great time. The airport went ok, even with a 45 min delay. The girls were good on the plane, so that was good. I sweat so bad though that I was embrassed. The sweating thing really effects my life. I was DRIPING last night at the reception. We came back to my sister's and my son and brother in law had us laughing so hard I almost wet my pants. My brother in law said he laughed so hard his throat hurt this morning! We used to do that to my grandma...see if we could make her laugh so hard that she would pee her pants.....lol......good times! And we don't even drink....good sober fun! It was weird to see people I haven't seen since high school. I AM NOT AS old as those old farts! lol. When you see people and they aged, it reminds you that you look differant too. Stayed pretty good on food plan, not perfect, but that's ok. WAlking lots~

Feeling alot better this morning. I was up at 2:30 AM. I went to bed really early last night. I started to watch The Biggest Loser while I packed and cleaned. I cried...and I don't even watch the show alot. But I could feel all those feeling. Could I ever. The shame, the frustration, the despair. This time I could also relate to the feelings of joy, confidence, acheiving something really hard. Way to go to all the losers. They all looked great! I got back out and walked this morning. 3 miles and it felt great. Especially after watching the show. I ate yesterday. I felt like comfort food and went and tried mashed potatoes and grilled KFC chicken. Does anyone know what the points are for a breast? It was too good to be that good for you. Then I had a piece of fish for an early dinner. Tummy is feeling better, as the food stayed down. So good. I am getting excited in my stomach like I did when I was a little girl. I am so excited to be going to my nephews wedding ...

Well I hope the worst is over. I was sicker last night then the night before. Not good. I was thinking last night about my weigh in and well, it's not a "true" loss. I am way sick and haven't eaten anything and kept it down for 2 days. I need to remember that when it comes around to next week. If I haven't lost, well I won't be upset. Don't give the scales too much power when they tell you what you want to hear either! Another thing I was thinking about is what I did last week to carry into this coming week....which is going to be differant as I am going on vacation. The best thing I did last week was the WW clicker! I tracked so much better. It hasn't really matter the last couple of days that I haven't eaten anything, but I loved it last week. It HELPS. Next thing is I go to bed early!! Way early sometimes. That cuts my nighttime eating ( worst time ) to almost nothing. When I wake early I am not hungry. Mornings are my best time. I think it'...

Well this will make a girl feel better. I decided to weigh in at WW at noon instead tonight. I plan on going home and hit the sack, hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. Well...I lost 4.4 lbs. I know I usually weigh in at night and I have been sick....but heck. I will take it and be happy. That points clicker thingo really helped me. That and I really have been pushing the water. I didn't walk this morning......but plan on making it up tomorrow. I so hope I feel better.....going home to bed !

I was sick for Mother's Day. Still sick today, but came to work. Since I am going to be the only one in the office I don't think I will get anyone else sick. I feel like my head is going to explode amd I have cold sweats. Not not mention the ever popular Rocky Mountain Quick Step ( the runs ) Yippy! One good thing....I should weigh less tonight at weigh in. I haven't had hardly anything to eat in 2 days. Hoping to feel better quick. I am flying to Utah on Wed. with my daughter and her 2 little girls for my nephew's wedding. My son and son-in-law will be driving up with the boys. If I am sick for this wedding (probably the only trip I will get this summer) There will be hell to pay. Don't ask me right now who will pay....but mark my words. SOMEONE WILL PAY. I stayed on track over the weekend. I am so glad I got that points clicker thing, I was eating alot more points then I should have. Water was great, until yesterday. I walked both days, but only did a mile and hal...

One of my most favorite bloggers is Roxie over at http://gravelandrust.blogspot.com/ . I loved her post from last night. Thanks Roxie. Out the door for a walk! Eating wasn't the best last night. To bed early. Have a too much sleep hangover. Tingles are almost gone. Man! That took a long time. I was looking back over my past posts and I mentioned it....ALOT. Sorry folks....big baby coming thru. As of now, that's the last you will hear about that. Enjoy your Saturday..............what's your intentions?

I am feeling much lighter today. The auditors are gone, we did great. It was actually very fun. It got me to thinking, (I know, I smell smoke too) Mizfit left me a comment about her victory this week. She did something that she was worried about, but it was NOT as bad as she thought. I could so relate to that! IT NEVER IS. But do you think that I can or want to remember that when I am in the middle of freak out. I worried for weeks about this this past week. What a friggin waste of time. I had a great time having them here. I laughed alot, and I realized how much I miss having someone here with me in the office. I have been tracking very well. Drinking lots of water and I walked 3 miles this morning before I left for work. I have a buddy that I walk with in the mornings. I got up and did an extra mile before I met up with her. I felt lighter! NSV's......well yesterday I was just sitting there minding my own business and I casually crossed my legs....and I COULD!!! I was able to cro...

I was waiting in line at the food store for the comparison/coupon shopper in front of me ( yes I usually pick the SLOWEST line ) to get all the $$ off she deserves. While in line I see the above candy bar STARING at me. Begging me to try it. I picked it up...it told me it had carmel, peanuts, and ALMONDS and covered in white chocolate. I racked my brain. Had I ever eaten all four of those things in one candy bar. Was I missing out? Would this be my one and only chance to try this? Hurry up lady....my will power is fading. I picked that stupid candy bar up 3 times. I had a battle with ME right there in the food store line. I started to sweat, then I got pissed, then...........finally it was my turn. The cashier rang me up......without the candy bar. I ran out of the store and literally peeled out of the parking lot. What the heck?? I was so happy that I didn't buy that candy bar that I was weeping. VICTORY! It's the small victories that win the war!! Things are going good. I ha...

i am down another 1.4 lbs this week. Bringing my total to 28.2 lbs. I am very ok with it. I came home and my son had made a healthy spagetti dinner. I did alittle food shopping and now I am going to go to bed! I am beat. Work was so great today. Lots of people in the office besides just me, so that was fun. I just kind of sat around to answer questions and get files and such. I had everything pretty much ready for them. I spent alot of time in blogland today. Read lots of good stuff....and enjoyed my day. I did good with water this week, well ok, better. I could improve for sure. I bought a points clicker thing so I am hoping to track bettter. I kind of thought I would loose more, because I felt like I had a great week of eating and H2O. My tracking is still ifffy. Through all my zoloft crazzies and Nadine, I tried my best to stay on plan. I am proud of efforts and I am not going to get blue over what I thought would happen. don't give the scales too much powe...

I am a people pleaser. I want people I like to like me. Some people I could care less if they like me....but by and large......Yes, I want to liked. I feel I have the power to make someone happy. Now, that being said, I do not like this about myself. I DO NOT have the power to make others happy, ok maybe for a moment, but not for long. I have stressed out because of this war in my mind. When I feel stressed out, I want to eat. When I binge, I am not happy. So what's a girl to do? WALK that's what. I have walked about 6 miles over the past couple of days. This may not be alot for some, but for me it is. I have started to walk when I am feeling stressed. Like food, it makes me feel better...but with positive feelings after. I had to let someone down this morning. I was brave and did it in an email, coward that I am. I have stressed out about this over the weekend. It shouldn't be hard to tell someone that you really don't want to do something. The ...

I loved this picture from yesterday. It's me with Sweet Nadine's great grandaughter. She sang the sweetest song at her grandma's funeral and was very very brave. The service was awesome. Lots of music and singing, and LAUGHTER. Her son-in-laws spoke briefly and they were so funny. She loved to play card games, and she won..alot. Her son-in-laws insist that she cheated. She didn't of course, but it was just funny. The family ( epsecially Nadine's granddaughter's )insisted that I sit on the front row with them. Which made me so emotional that I went into the ugly cry. I am so thankful to have the privledge of beign a part of that wonderful family. I pulled it together and actually enjoyed by day. Then I went to see the Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It was stupid, wait for the video. I really like Jennifer Garner, she was good...but the movie was just stupid and predictable. I ate ok yesterday. I came back for a luncheon at the church and ate the yummy "funeral...

This is my handsome son. He is the kindest, funniest, smartest kid I know. Ok, I may be predjudice. I am really lucky that I love and "like" both my kids! That's all ...just wanted to brag on my kid!

The kindergarten graduation was HOT. Turn the dang AIR on for crying out loud. I know there is a budget stortage, but dang it. They sang some cute songs, but I was ready to get out of there. The girls and I went home early. It's always an adventure taking kids out in public. Funny story, I am struggling with my grandaughter on my lap. Finally I decide to go home. When I get out of the cafe-auditorium ( what a name ) I realize that my buttons have come undone to my BOOB AREA. Oh crap...taking me out is an adventure also. No picture of that sorry sight but here are some of the kids. The auditorium was too dark to get any really good pics of him "preforming". Was not hungry yesterday. Did really well food and exercise wise. Drank a gallon of water before noon! So feeling good about all that. My knee wasn't as bad this morning, but I only did a mile and half. I have Sweet Nadine's veiwing tonight and furneral tomorrow. It will nice to see lots of people I haven't ...