TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

6 am on a Saturday morning and I have been up for an hour already. Had a pretty good day yesterday. Stayed busy right up till I fell into bed. they had a trunk or treat at my daughter's church last night. So cute. Will post pics soon. Everyone decorated the trunk of their cars. Some were very creative. There was lots of people and all in all it was a success. I did break down and eat 6 little pieces of those malted milk "whopper" candies I don't even like them...STUPID! Oh well, I end up having a subway for dinner, so I didn't do too bad. Got lots of extra walking in as well. H2O intake was better yesterday......but I could still stand to improve there. I haven't really talked about my old people lately, but I LOVE THOSE 2 OLD FARTS! Mrs 82 and Mr 92. I love going over to visit with them and help them out. I always leave feeling so much better then when I arrived. They really appreciate everything I do for them. Plus, they love me back. ...

Here are my 2 Gdaughters in their Halloween costumes. A busy bee ( fits her personality. and a fairy princess, again very fitting) Stinkin cute girls, but then I may alittle prejudice. Looking forward to posting pics of the Gsons over the weekend. Lots of trick or treating to be done. I am really lucky that I don't like candy ( expect of tootsie rolls, duh ) So this shouldn't be big a temptation. Yesterday I ate half a sugar cookie and felt sick. Frosting.... YICK ! I want to thank everyone that left me an uplifting comment yesterday. When I post stuff like that I don't feel very inspirational. I feel very much in self preservation mode. I don't really like to post about my drug addiction, but sometimes when you say it aloud, you can really hear how stupid an idea it really would have been. Besides, it releases the hold it has on me. You're as sick as what you keep secret! I haven't had that strong of an urge for along time. Nice to know I still know wh...

I have been feeling good. Really good. So what do I do when I feel like this? I'll tell you. If I am not careful The Crazy Brain will tell me that things are TOO good. When will the other shoe fall. This can't last forever. It's almost like I am willing things to go wrong. I am loving my job right now. Things are going along really well. I feel apprecitated. So why have I been tense over nothing at work? Afraid I am forgetting something? Who knows. The bad thing is that for the past couple days I have really wanted to use. Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I am a recovering drug addict as well as a recovering food addict. Now don't freak out. I didn't use, nor will I. However after getting off the drugs I used food as a way to cope with the feelings I didn't want to feel. I gained 90 lbs in 2 years after I got clean. So for the past couple of days I have felt at dis-ease. To me that means out of sorts. Nothing is re...

Well I had a pretty good day yeterday. Weigh in was good....lost 2.5 lbs. Now if I can just keep it off this time. I keep gaining and loosing the same 3 lbs for about 3 weeks now. I am a half pound higher then my lowest weight. I know what to do, I just need to follow thru. I really need to up my H2O, not drinking near enough. I am going to walk at work this morning on the treadclimber. My walking buddy is too busy to walk this morning, besides, it's kind of cold this morning. I don't like to walk by myself before dawn. Kind of scary. I have downloaded Two Fit Chicks podcast and plan to listen while I walk this morning. Kind of excited about it. If you don't know about this podcast visit Mizfit or Dietgirl. It was Shauna's book that lit a fire under my butt and got me into this bloggin thing. Thanks again Shauna!! Things are still quiet on the homefront. Nothing earth shattering. Just lots of doing the same thing over and over. Nothing wrong with tha...

Well here is a picture of all the girls. Trying to get all of us to look and smile at the same time was out of the question. We had loads of fun. We shopped and played games and just hung out. I laughed, ALOT! Food was good, weigh in is tonight so we'll see how good I really was....lol. Didn't buy anything new over the weekend. Did try on some jeans, but nothing that I couldn't live without. So I went without. I have been good about keeping up with my walks. Today I walked and then rode the bike to work. It was actually cold! I can't wait...it's suppose to rain here tomorrow and be very cold. LOVE me some weather! Cause we don't really get alot of it. I really don't have no much to say today. Kind of trying to just catch up on blogs and work. I am still feeling pretty good. Nothing earth shattering going right this minute. So I will enjoy the peace. Keep the mood and the food real.....

You know it's going to be a interesting day when you cough so hard you pee your pants (don't act like it's never happened to you) on your morning walk. Then you come home and get in the shower get out, dry off, get dressed, then take your hair out of the towel to realize that you never rinsed out the conditioner. Hit rewind! It was one of those days when simple things were hard. I even got caught telling an untruth. Something stupid, really. Mostly it was just so embrassing. Why do I do that sometimes. Why?? I want people to like me, usually. I had a pit in my stomach most of the day after that. I used to be an excellent liar, not so much since I got sober.... lol Once I got to my daughter's I started to unwind then felt exhausted. It turned out to be a good day, and I got thru it intact food wise. My daughter made really good turkey burgers . Then I had salad. I was so busy yesterday I didn't get a chance to eat. Now that never happens . I make time to eat......

Ever have one of those days when you feel like pinching herself to make sure you aren't dreaming?? That's how I feel today. The "new to me" size 16 levi jeans are too big. I just bought them. What?? I know that they are " gently used" but it makes me totally feel like a weight loss bad ass. Even though I've gain 3.5 lbs in the last 2 weeks...lol. I have had lots of people ask today if I've lost weight. Seriously.....A girl can not get enough of that! I ate well yesterday and so far so good for today. I rode the bike to work and home. Then I got in 2 miles in the evening. It has cooled down from last week. The evenings are wonderful! I walked at 5 am and I would like to get in another evening walk before book club. I love me some book club! Can't wait to talk about "Mockingbird" tonight. I have been having this inner voice telling me that I should really, seriously go back to school. I can't think of anything but history that I would...

First off, the dreaded weigh in. I was up .5 lb. After the week I had, I will take it. I didn't put my best efforts in last week, but I did have a nice week with the Gkids . I will do better. I haven't really been eating real foods. Ok Dana, so do something about it already! Plan is in place, mojo in place! The concert was AWESOME! Traffic was messed up and we missed about 20 mins of The Black Eyed Peas. That made me annoyed, but what are you going to do. It took us 2 hours to go about 50 miles. Crazy right?? U2 puts on a great show. Bono is just so super cool ( and handsome). They played for over 2 hours. Totally worth it. What was awesome as well was how well I fit in my seat. How easy it was for me to walk from the car to my seat. I didn't sweat like a "fat girl". I felt comfortable in what I was wearing. I wasn't comparing myself to the other women there. Like, "am I as fat as she is" . I was just in the moment ...

I didn't make it to weigh in last night. The scale owner ( that sounds funny) was not going to be home till 6:30. I was just too hungry too wait. Then I did it good. Ate well for the meal part, but the after meal part...not so good. WTHELL?! Why would I do that. Yes, there were tootsie rolls involved, damn it, but not limited just to tootsie rolls. I scarfed down whatever I had in the house. Luckily I didn't have much on the house. Still? Why would I do that, it drives me nuts. I am going to weigh in right after work. I refuse to give this dang weigh in any more of my energy. It will be what it will be. I will just press forward and not give up. One derail isn't going to automatically mean I am going to gain all my weight back (stupid, but TCB does sometimes does make me believe it ) Even a derail the night before a weigh in. Can anyone say SELF SABOTAGE...i knew you could. Got up early and walked my 3 miles. Didn't ride to work, as I have to leave a lunchtime to help M...

Well today it's back to the routine. I haven't really had alot to say the past couple of day. I took each Gkid one at a time. It was fun and kept me sane during this past week off. Food hasn't been perfect. The boys wanted an IHOP breakfast, so I did that twice. Made good choices, but still over ate quite a bit. I didn't get as much walking in as I had hoped. Did make it to the bird park yesterday morning for a long "stroll". I'm totally ok with all of it. I did the best I could at the time, and then I just moved on. Life is going happen. I went with my daughter and the kids to a Pizza birthday party last night. I didn't even eat a piece of pizza! I ate a low cal burrito before I went. When I got there the parents of the Bday boy kept telling me how good I look. They haven't seen me for a while. That was nice, didn't want to blow it and eat pizza after that....lol. My daughter looked at me when I walked in her house yesterday and she asked me i...

Blogger is being so weird! I can't comment on so many peoples blogs. Drives me crazy. I have been awake since 2:30 am. My 20 year old son came to me with toothache pain. Guess he will be at the dentists office this morning. He really needs his wisdom teeth out. Felt so bad for him. When your child is in pain it is heart breaking. He has a pretty high tolerence for pain, but the kid was almost in tears. Don't know what we are going to do about the $$ part of it, but everything will work out. It always does. I have been catching up on blogs this morning. I am feeling back to normal.....which is really relative...lol. Had great busy days the last 2 days. My 3 year Gson is in my bed and I had a great time with him. We hit the bird park yesterday. Even if it is still in the DAMN 90's here in the desert. Suppose to hit 100 by Saturday...seriously?! That was the only exercise I got in yesterday and today will probably be the same. I will be glad to get back to my work routine. Foo...

Today has been busy. It actually started yesterday. I decided to meet my daughter and the Gkids at the park for a picnic, then took the oldest and the youngest home for a sleep over. Worked alittle after getting them dropped off this morning. Visited both my old people. I have just finished doing alittle cleaning. I am now on the way to pick up another Gkid for another sleep over. I have been too busy to eat or feel all selfish. It's working! Feeling better, I always do. Didn't walk this morning. Didn't plan ahead very well this morning. Will do better tomorrw. Just trying to stay in the moment and enjoy life. Food has been pretty good though. Since I missed a couple of days already this week walking, I am trying to keep the food under control. Doing pretty good. Water is no good. Will try much harder! I have not been able to read alot of blogs the past couple of days. It does feel good though to out and doing things, instead of reading about them...l...

and fake it till you make it. That's what the motto for today is. I have started my day off right. Prayer and meditation. Both a long walk and rode the bike to work. Waved as usual. Brighten me up some. I get so stuck in SELF pity some times. Today it's my intention to do things that get me out of self. I weighed in last night and the official scale said I had gain 2.5 lbs. Not surprising, but "ouch" none the less. Going to get back into the swing of things. SELF sabotage is not going to lie to me today....well it might lie, but I'm not believing it...lol. I know what to do, just need to follow thru. I want to thank everyone for the kind comments from yesterday. I need to GET OVER MYSELF already. Thanks Roxie, I knew what you ment and appreciated the kick in the pants. Isn't it funny how we are so different, yet so alike....all of us! Sounded like a few people were having a case of the Mondays. I am sure that the TR overdose influences how I am feeling as wel...

Boring weekend. Nothing to report. think I am getting sick...ick. Either that or I am just in a prolonged seriously shitty mood. Food hasn't been the best, though no more tootsie rolls. Walked Saturday and biked yesterday. Not as sore as I was last Monday. I have weigh in tonight and I know that it won't be pretty. My Gkid spent the night and kept me awake most of the night. She was up for good at 3:30AM. Then I went out and got the kids up fed and took them to the park. To let my daughter sleep in. I am just not feeling 100%. I came home and slept all day. Plan on riding the bike to weigh in, at least, for today. Life is good and I will feel better soon. The weather has been gorgeous today. Work for tomorrow. Kind of glad of that really. I bitch about it, but seriously, what else am I doing? Yep, I am probably in a bad mood. BLAH! GRR! I can hardly stand myself.....lol Here's to a better tomorrow............keep the mood and the food real.

Have you ever seen such cute sisters in your entire life?? I'm sure the answer will be no, so I will move on. I plan on spending some time this weekend with the Gkids. Not as much as last weekend though, I do have a life! Not really, but don't tell my daughter...lol. I am thinking a sleep over, but with just Gkid. More Gkids then that and the little shits tag team me and get the best of me! I am only half kidding. Everyone else at work gets off next week, but only at one school. The other charter school is in a different district. They don't get the the week off. So guess who has to work. **ME** I am at least taking Monday off. Both schools have Monday off so I am able to do that. Anyway, I have no money to go anywhere and I can probably leave early everyday, so I am not complaining. Food has been much better. I just pretended that little tootise binge never happened. Let's hope the scale is as forgiving. I still have the weekend to straighten up and fly right! I have ...

Where the heck did yesterday go? I was a quite busy at work, and busy today as well. I am ashamed to admit it but a bought those damn tootsie rolls at the store last night and made a huge dent in the bag. Threw the remainder in the garbage on the way to the car this morning. Man I am throwing away alot of food. Not sure what brought on the tootsie binge. Maybe BUYING them...hello. Will I never learn? TCB is cunning, baffling and powerful! Today I will do better!! I am thinking I will hit a meeting at noon. I could use a spiritual shot in arm. Slept in kind of late. Rode the bike to work and walked on the treadclimber 45 mins. Drinking H20 like crazy, hoping to minimize the tootsie damage. I really need to food shop! Keep the mood and the food real. Plan for success The picture was taken in Blythe CA on the way home from a cruise. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up!!

Here are the questions from the Over the Top Award from yesterday. Here we go..... 1. Where is your cell phone- on the desk in front of me 2. Your hair- getting thin 3. Your mother- missed 4. Your father - missed 5. Your favorite food - not really anything is my fave. I like it all! 6. Dream last night - in Macom, Georigia with Scout and Boo Radley ( I am rereading to Kill a Mockingbird ) 7. Favorite drink- water 8. your dream/goal- peace. 9. What room are you in- office 10. your hobby - reading 11. Your fear - not living up to my full potential 12 Where do you want to be in 6 years- near family 13. Where were you last night - watching the Vikings beat the Packers 14. Something you are not- quiet. I have been told I am a loud person. 15. Muffin? - no opinion 16. Wish list item - A house of my own 17. Where did you grow up -Pleasant Grove Utah 18. Last thing you did - answered the phone 19. What are you wearing - jeans and a t shirt 20. your tv - old 21. your pets -none 22. Freind...

I am seriously not kidding. I just went and spent money on new bras just a short time ago. The poor girls things are swimming in the one I have on. I guess I need to go shopping. I have to go jeans shopping too. The ones that were given to me are very wide leg and not really my style. I didn't wear bell bottoms in the 70's...I swear somebody has enough room to live under one pant leg. I am certainly not complaining. Although TCB is trying to mess with my body image today. Why I am I my own worst critic at times. I can feel lighter, then look in the mirror and only see fat......I just don't believe what I see anymore. I was sore this morning. My back and hips. I drove to work, but walked as always. It was chilly this morning and I needed a jacket. I just really didn't want to walk this morning. That rarely happens. I am going to have to watch myself. Self Sabotage is my speciality. I am extra hungry this morning too. So I am glad I brought that bag of watermelon. Intent...

I went to weigh in...drum roll please....5.5 lost!! That puts my grand total at 63 pounds! I was really shocked to see the number. See what happens when you do not buy the bag of tootsie rolls or the pound of red licorice...lol! I am very happy but quite tired. Got some flat bread pizzas in the oven. Will write more tomorrow. Also, I want to thanks Karen for the Award. Love you friend. The list will be fun to do. I do like those "get to know you" lists.

I got alot of this this weekend.....Hold me GeGe!! I spent most of the weekend at my daughter's house. She had free ASU football tickets Saturday and Sunday she was so sick she coudln't get out of bed. GeGe to the rescue. I really enjoyed myself. Sometimes I am better at the grandma thing then other times. Felt relaxed and not uptight. After living on my own for a while I forget how chaotic lots of kids can be. It sometimes makes me have high anxiety, but not this past weekend. I made the intention to stay in the moment and to enjoy them, and I did. I walk Saturday morning, though not a long ways, my usual 3 miles. Then it was such a glorious morning Sunday that I went for a long bike ride. It was pretty windy. By the time I got home my legs were really shakey...felt good. I hopped on the scales at my daughter's house over the weekend and I think I might be happy at weigh in tonight. Her scales had me down to 201.8 over the weekend, but the offical weight will be the one t...

Ever get the feeling that you are so busy planning your next move that you forget what you're doing?? Well that's how my day was yesterday. I was really all over the place. I felt like I ran around all day doing nothing. Certainly not a bad day, just pressing. I was so scattered that I didn't get my walk in or a shower...ick! It feels good to have both already done this morning. Then I couldn't sleep last night because I am excited. I get "little kid" excited about seeing my sisters. I have one sister that lives in Utah and another that lives in Japan. Each year my dad's side of family has an all girl cousins party. They are so fun! We laugh till we pee our pants, well almost. This year I get to go and my sister in Utah and I are lobbying my sister in Japan to do something crazy and fly in for the party. Just the thought makes me excited. I talked to her yesterday. She didn't say "Are you Crazy". So there is hope! The picture is of my sisters...

I am all over the place this morning with my thoughts. First off I want to give a shout out to Dawn at http://bbubblyb.blogspot.com/ . Check out her accomplishment. Her sweet spirit makes me smile. Seriously, who knew blogging could be so emotional. I never dreamed I would find such sweet friendships with others when I started doing this. It's like out we have our own little reality show. We are the star of the show, of course. We get to determine if we are going to be the "losers" each day...or episode. Stay with me folks, this is a good analogy. I love tuning in everyday to see how people are being successful. I figure if they can do it so can I. I can honestly say that blogging is by far the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. Just to post everyday makes you reflect on YOU. How am I feeling? How am I going to be successful? How am I going to loose all this damn weight? How am I dealing with life? It both gets you out of yourself by cheering others on, y...