TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Lots of reasons to smile today. For one thing, it's Friday. For another I got to go out and see my Gkids last night. My son was nice enough to let me use his car. Such a nice boy. We went to the park and I really ran around. The youngest kept thinking it was funny for me to chase her. She found that running towards the street was a real attention grabber. My daughter had a coupon to Taco Bell. So I took the kids to the drive thru. While I was sitting there waiting it dawned on me that I haven't been to a fast food place for a very long time. Now don't get me wrong, I eat out...alot. I just choose different types of foods now days. Also, no drive thru equals no eating in your care. I always had a car full of wrappers. Now, my car really is alot cleaner and it doesn't have the grease smell. I ate 3 fresco tacos. I enjoyed them, but they weren't any better then the ones I make at home. In fact mine are better. I have never been a very good cook, but I have had to learn...

Real quick...my weight is down .2 lbs I am surprised it's not up. I have been grazing alot. The car engine is ruined. I am going to be biking it for awhile. I have some majors decisions to make, yet I can't seem to focus or even care right now. Things will work out. They always do. Love Roxie's post this morning. I've been thinking, reading and hearing about moving out of my own comfort zone. You would think that the Universe (or a loving Heavenly Father, as I choose to think of it) is trying to tell me something. Like I said, some major changes. Daughter brought the kids in for dinner and the park. Had a ball. I have really missed them. There is nothing better then to watch a 2 year old ENJOY the swing! Total bliss...... My walking buddy signed us up for the Heart Walk this Saturday at Tempe Town Lake. Can't wait, even it's suppose to rain! Keep the mood and the food real

I want to make this quick this morning. I have work to do today! I feel 10 times better this morning. Slept like a rock and dreamed I was married to George Clooney. It was a loveless marriage, but still. I got up and was out he door by 5 am for a brisk 2.5 mile walk with 3 lb weight in both hands. How the hell did I carry around that extra 80 lbs. Those things felt heavy. Rode the bike to work. It was cooler then I thought this morning. It felt good. Listened to a spiritual message that I was meant to hear while biking. I love it when something just touches your heart and makes you cry a good cry. Feeling positive. My circumstance haven't changed from yesterday, but my attitude about them has. Thanks for all the great comments yesterday. I really am not alone! Keep the mood and the food real....get the message

I just heard on the news it's National Margarita Day. Too bad I don't drink. I have had an up and down weekend. Why can't I just be happy. BTW....loosing 78 lbs doesn't guaranteed that you are going to be happy. Now mind you, I know this in my head....yet when this happens I have the nerve to be surprised. I don't think I am depressed, but I do have these "episodes" where I feel really sad. Usually after spending too much time alone with TCB (the crazy brain). It's almost like I can think myself unhappy. I have been freaked out over money, again. The car is worse then they thought...blah blah blah. I won't bore with the details, but I feel like I have created this money prison for myself. I know that I am the problem. I refuse to do anything to increase my earning potential. Like going to school. It's at times like these that I kind of wish I had a husband. Don't ask me why, I would be just as miserable ( or just my luck more miserable ). P...

This morning I was up early and started looking at fashion blogs and ebay. Ok...I am starting to have a problem. Not the time I spend looking. I am trying to learn how to dress. What I worry about about is that I keep looking at the blogs wishing I had stuff that I don't have. Couple that with the fact that I have been watching HGTV and I now I am wishing for a house that , in reality, I will never have. The past couple of days of days I have been living in "dis-ease". Not "at ease" with my life and not being grateful for what I have. When I do this I start in with the resentments. Then throw alittle self pity (where did my youth go) to the mix and well, I become unhappy. TCB.....how you vex me. So how did I handle this feeling?? I went downstairs and organized and moved things around and got a new appreciation for what I have. It's amazing what just moving things around will do. I feel so much better. It's like a new space. This is huge as I usually hat...

Nothing new to report. I am having a ball looking at fashion blogs. Next thing I am going to try is thrift shopping. I have even been looking at shoes on Ebay (not during work hours, of course...that made me giggle). Trying to fine stuff that is fun, funky, yet age appropriate. I still can't believe it. Who have I become?? Someone that really does like clothes and yes shoes. I told myself I didn't care about that stuff for so long. I only didn't care because I weighed 265 lbs and seriously, how cute can you dress at that size. Now if only I had money to spend all this cute stuff. Oh well, a girl can dream! Rode the bike to work this morning after a brisk 3 miler with my buddy. Last walk with her for awhile she is going in for a D&C this morning. Time to call someone else on my buddy list. If not, well maybe I can get my son to be my 5am bodyguard. Excuse me while I wipe my eyes from laughing so hard..hehe. Food has been better. So has H2O. The pic is of my poor hand aft...

Not a stellar week, but better then last week. Still, I gained 1.4 lbs. Oh scale, how you baffle me! Nothing but a number. My size 14 Levi's are getting very loose. It's just a moment in time. I didn't get the water in yesterday that I had hoped and I have been been eating too much processed food. I did however, get more exercise in this week. All in all I am ok with it. What else am I going to do. Get upset and shake my fist at the Scale God. No, not so much. I only have myself to blame. I don't feel like being pissed at me today. So onward to a new week! While riding the bike home yesterday I took a little fall. No major injuries, except to my bruised ego. Still, my son drove me to work this morning. I will walk on the teadclimber later. My knee is letting me know that it thought that falling was a pretty dumb thing to do....can you say OUCH?! Not too bad, but I want to be able to stop if it starts bugging me. I had book club last night. The book was Fahrenheit 451....

I had a good day yesterday. Went for a 3 mile walk then rode the bike around town to do some errands and got in about 5 miles on the bike. It felt good. The weather is suppose to be in the 70's all week. I got my car towed and now it's just waiting around for someone to take a look at it. Got up this morning and like a fool got on the scales. Official WI is tomorrow. Up about 3 lbs. Yikes!! I best drank a buttload of H2O today. Get to pounding the water! I wasn't surprised by the gain, but I was my how much. I still have today to try to turn it around before the OFFCIAL WI. hehe Got in another 2.5 miles walk this morning then rode the bike about 3 miles to work. I forgot how much fun it is to wave at people. I love the look on their faces. So that was fun. I had Jett pounding in my ear "Are you going to be my girl"! Yep, great ride in. Now, I need to get the store and get some green stuff. And for heaven's sake, Dana...DO NOT EAT IF YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY. Sound...

This is who I spent my Vday with. This is Al. His smile says it all. This is the stinker that kept getting out of bed. His wife needed a break from him so I spent the day visiting with him. He CAN TALK...alot. I know all about him. It was a good day actaully. I got to see true love. He and his wife have been married for almost 60 years. She is still over the moon in love with him. She is so worried about being left alone. She knows things are changing. She went in to take a nap, and all he wanted was to check on his "sweetheart". I can see where they drive each other crazy, but all that stuff is a non issue. They are a team. I am glad I decided to go. I should be freaked out, but strangly I am not. My car broke down again yesterday. I will be biking it for awhile. I haven't had anyone look at it yet, but it doesn't matter. I can't fix it right away anyway. I am so sick of car trouble. I am almost glad that I am being forced to do without i...

Went kind of crazy with the food yesterday. I ate an entire Chipotle chicken burrito for lunch. I told myself "go ahead, your going to boot camp". Except I feel asleep. GRRR. Anyway, back on track this morning. Had a really good homemade Egg McMuffin this morning...yummy. I am sleeping alot better. Later in the morning, which is awesome. I will enjoy it while it's happening. This too shall pass, I am sure. Kicked out a really good 3 mile walk this morning. I love going with this friend because she walks really fast! It's a better bang for my 3 miles. Trying to drink more water, not doing really well with that. Doing better though. Plan on going out to babysit the Gkids tonight. My SIL is taking my Darling Daughter out for Vday. I plan on taking the kids to the park then coming home and making dinner and Valentine cookies. Just the Pillsbury kind, but it counts...right?? I want to go on another hike tomorrow, but I will probably just end up going for an extra long walk...

And the Academy Award goes to Dana....for best performance in a difficult work situation. Yes, things have been better. Everyone just pretending like nothing happened. I am ok with that. Move on. I feel better. For awhile I knew something was coming. I felt it. Now that it's over I feel like I can relax alittle. I am feeling like my normal self again. It takes alot out of you to worry and be angry. When I think of the energy I have spent over this thing it makes me exhausted! I felt it last night. The night before I did an overnight with the old guy. He was such a stinker. Trying to literally SNEAK out of bed. I dozed off, and he fell. Not going to do that again. He really needs more care then I am willing to give. (like someone that will stay awake) I can only do those kinds of shifts when I am able to doze. Anyway, I was exhausted, cause I had literally been up all night and then had to work all day. I was sleeping by 5:30 pm and slept till 3am. It felt so good! Got up and did a ...

Here are some pics of my hike Saturday. It really was a glorious day! I wasn't even tried or sore. I want to try a harder, longer hike soon. We hiked to some Indian ruins with writing on the walls. Very interesting. Things at work really have worked themselves out. I could not be happier, or more relieved. The person involved apologized this morning and of course I accepted. No use in holding a grudge. I still plan on looking around, but at least I know my job isn't in jeopardy. I m going to do my overnights with my elderly guy till Thursday. I can sleep alittle, so it shouldn't be too bad. I need the money, so it's good. I am feeling lighter in my heart, where it matters. lol..... P.S. I reposted my entry from Friday. Keep the mood and real.......

At work. So far, so good. However it is only 7:30 am. Still plenty of time for the shit to hit the fan. Feeling better. Less upset by the whole thing. I have decided to just act like nothing happened. It's for the best. I have to really believe that no matter what happens I will be okay! Working on having that kind of faith. Went for a long walk this morning with my good friend and got a blessing from her hubs. I felt alot better after that. I stayed home instead of going to church or to my daughter's, thinking I would sleep. I did not get to sleep, just sat there and stewed and freaked out, and yes sadly I grazed most of the day. Not anything bad, just grazed. Didn't go for a walk yesterday, but I did go for a bike ride. Not long, but it was still better then nothing. Hope everyone has a good Monday. Keep the mood and the food real.......have alittle faith!

Just a quick thank you to everyone who commented. I appreciate all the good thoughts. Went hiking and had a marvelous day. It was about a 4 mile hike. We just took our time, visited and enjoyed the green desert. We have had alot of rain this year. In fact it's raining now. Then I went and visited some friends in the hosptial. I made my son watch about 4 episodes of the TV show Moderen Family with me. If you have never watched this show you should. It cracks me up. Did my over night with the new old guy. He was very sweet, but very active during the night so I am exhausted but now I can't sleep. I want to eat myself in a food coma to just stop thinking and stressing about life. However.....that is not the answer. I don't have to be food perfect, but numbing my feelings like that will send me off into a food spiral. You know the one....shame, regret, frustration, and when I come out of "the coma" all those original feelings will still be there. Now, ...

**spoiler alert** This a long, whinny post. Yesterday was one of the worse days of my life. Ok, maybe an exaggeration, but it was BAD! Shit hit the fan at work and sprayed all over me. Like I knew it would. Leaving me a sobbing, shaking puddle of goo. Why don't I stick up for myself. I hated that I just sat there and took all that verbal abuse. I want to quit so bad. How can I have any self respect and go back there on Monday morning? That is not a rhetorical question, seriously folks, HOW? This was really a flashback for me. I was a victim of domastic violence. I was beaten pretty bad by 1st husband, and not just once. The last time someone spoke to me like that, the asshole broke his arm on the back of my head. No, I am not exaggerating this time, I am that hard headed. Yesterday brought all of the shit back up and I was really terrorized. These are people I have know for along time. They have been like my family, and now I just want to flee. The anger being felt towards...

Started off the morning with the usual 3 mile walk. I am going to pick me up some pepper spray this afternoon. Got a weird feeling this morning out walking in the dark, by myself. I kind of like walking a podcast blaring in my ears. This morning was new the new podcast from 2 Fit Chicks and a Microphone. I usually listen to something spiritual 1st. So I didn't get to finish the entire podcast. So something to look forward to tomorrow morning. I feel like I am listening to old friends. I feel like I know Shauna. It was after reading her book a year ago that I decided to start my own blog to document my journey. Best thing I've ever done! Too many benefits to name! Of course if your reading this, you probably already know that! Check out her book, The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl. Went out to my daughter's last night. Took the kids to the park and ran around with them. They were so sad when I left. It broke my heart. When did I turn into such a softy? Came home and fell ri...

UGG! I am not sleeping again. Up at 2:30am this morning and yesterday morning. I can still function, but not at my best. No sleep = grazing and moody. I was suppose to go to a church thing last night, but I was so stinkin tired. I know I should have just went and forced myself to stay awake, but I just wasn't up to it. Yesterday morning I RAN again. Almost a mile. Only stopped a couple of times. My knee did fine. It felt good. I still can't believe that I am still walking. Yes, I am amazing....lol. I want to do more, different stuff. My friend is doing a boot camp thing twice a week. I might try it Thursday. I need to step out of box anad try yoga. Still haven't done that yet.....I KNOW! I have been anxious about my job lately. I am probably blowing things up in my mind (who me??)but there have been some clash of personalities. Even though I work by myself and work hard, I still kind of freak out about loosing my job. Since it's about money it invol...

Hope everyone's Monday is off to a good start. Just going to share a few pics from my weekend. Food was ok. I did over do it Saturday evening. Home alone=eating. Oh well. It wasn't terrible. Today is a new day. As you can see by the top pic it was a beautiful weekend. We had a great time at the park then hit the library then took them home and got the girls and took everyone to the park. I was still home by 2pm. That's when I decided to stay in and watch the season about Mad About You I got from the library. That's when the eating started. Thank goodness I fell asleep early. Got up and hit an AA meeting I used to go to. People had no idea who I was. Made me laugh...and my head did swell a wee bit. Got to watch out for that. Then church. Then out to my Darling Daughter's house. We took the kids for a drive and we looked at houses. She loves to look at homes. We found an empty one with had a mother-in-law quarters. It was a beautiful home. We can dream, can't we? ...