Wed Weigh In

I could have thought of a better post title. Oh well. I did weigh in this morning and was happy to see another 2.2 lbs gone. That makes a total of 74.4 lbs. Who would have thought it! This year as been kind to me. This year the holidays have been easier. I am so grateful for all my blessings. The biggest I think is Willingness. Willingness to stick with it. Being willing to give change a chance. I never dreamed that I could have lost almost 75 in less then a year. I am truly humbled. I never really know how the weigh in will go, because I never really count anything. Which is kind of good. I don't get expectations (TRY not to anyway) thinking well I stuck to my diet perfect, why is there no movement of the scale.

I have some how hurt my upper arm a week ago while moving Mr 92 up in bed. I thought it was a pulled muscle, it probably is. I really thought it would feel better by now. It seems to feel worse. I will keep babying it for a while longer. I don't want to go to the doctor. What is going to do??

This is going to be quick....again! This winter break as been so busy. What with a trip to Mexico, an overnight with the Gsons. We had such a good time. They crack me up. They are such boys. I never had brothers, and so it just makes me laugh that 2 kids can get hysterical over farts and burps. BOYS! I know I shouldn't laugh. It's just so hard.

I am sharing a pic of my daughter and myself. Next post will be the jeans I promise. The daughter has my camera. GRR. Hope everyone is doing well. I have just not had the time to catch up on every one's blog. GRRrr. I really need to get back to work!

I am going to Mr. 92's funeral today. I am sure it will be a great tribute.

Keep the mood and the food real.........Be Willing!

Merry Merry

I love this picture of my son and myself. We went to the Mormon Temple on Wed night with friends. They always have such a beautiful light display. Wore my Skinny Bitch jeans. Feeling very young and cute. LOL!! I was giving out my Christmas Eve Carmel Popcorn and one of my friend's daughter in law was begging me to stay. Told me I looked too hot to just being going to my daughter's house. That they had 2 men coming over that would be perfect for me. WHAT? YIKES! I beat it out of there. Just cause I put omn alittle make up and dress up DOES NOT instantly mean I am looking for a man. Holy Cow, seriously. I have not really given that part of this thing as much thought as I should. I've been single too long.

The holiday was very nice. My daughter and SIL were great hosts and the kids made out like bandits. They got me to play rock band. Oh YEA! I ROCK! By the end of the day the kids and adults were damn tired. Whining kids is my cue to help to put the kids to bed and go home and get into my PJs watch alittle TV and SLEEP!

Mr 92 did pass away. On Wed the 23rd. The family was very nice and told me they couldn't have done it without me. Sometimes I get expectations about how I should be treated. I am usually disappointed. I then start feeling resentful and then I feel bad for feeling that way. GOT IT?? Yep, that's usually how crazy brain crap goes. Anyway, after re-evaluating my INTENTIONS, I feel better. Let's just say I let "self" get the better of my good intentions. I felt slighted. Enough said....

Missing Mr 92 this morning. Had a crazy dream that I had lost my job, apartment, money and boyfriend (a creep boyfriend from like 10 years ago). I woke up pissed off and scared out of my mind. I can't even imagine being unemployed right now. Anyway, I decided to come to work the office to make sure my key still worked. I am only half kidding. Kicked ASS on the treadclimber. I did indulge the past few days,so I want to get right back on track. Took a glorious early morning walk yesterday as well.

Going to try to get to a movie today. Maybe take a Gkid overnight. Who knows. My laptop his being stupid, so I can't post my TJ jeans pictures yet. I just happened to have this one on my work computer. Off to make breakfast.

Keep the mood and the food real........re-evaluate your intentions

progress pics and wed weigh in

YES I KNOW I HAVE THEM BASS ACKWARD!


I do not know what the hell is going on with blogger but I can't see the pictures that I posted. Someone had asked me a while back to post a progress photo. Well I was pretty good at not getting any body shots. Seriously, I couldn't find one. This Fat Dana picture was taken last year at Christmas. The cute little family in the pic I am holding is my daughter's family. I look HORRID! I probably weighed close to 260-270 lbs then. I didn't step on a scale back then! I was miserable, in severe knee pain and taking Vicodins by the handful to help with my knee. I really just wanted to disappear. I rarely "groomed". I would shower on the good days. The other days well I went to work in PJs and barely ran a comb through my hair. Thank goodness the people I work for are kind. Plus, she runs around in her nightgown all day as well....still does. Plus I work alone in a home, but still.

The thinner photo is of me this past weekend. At lunch with my in-laws. I look at her and see someone I can trust to make good decisions for me. I am really happy. Not over joyed or any ting goofy like that. I just feel...well lets see. I can think of a word. Wait! COMFORTABLE. I feel comfortable in my own skin, at where I am this year. Happy at hoe far I've come. This time last year I didn't feel like I had a chance in hell of turning things around.

When I stopped lieing to myself about the state of my life, and where I was going to end up, things changed. Like I said before. I have never counted a thing. I tried to eat more fruit and veggies and lean meat. Cut the portions. When I binge, I try to do it on healthy food. I still have my good old tootsie rolls, but I don't buy bags in the grocery store. When I stop into a 7/11 or something I pick up some in the "penny candy" (yes I know it's not a penny anymore). It's all about portion control. Veggies and fruits however I consider free food. No one ever got fat from eating too many fruits and veggies. RIGHT?

That being said, it's weigh in WED. The scale said 192.4. That is dow .2 lbs. totally cool with it. Eat about 6 cookies over the course of the weekend. Not to mention the tastes during the carmel popcorn making marathon. I've made 50 gallon ziplock bags all ready. I didn't make everyday with my walk either. So that was frustrating. I had expect a bigger number, so I will take it.

Lots more to say, but no time now. BTW, TJs jeans came in the mail and THEY FIT! A little snug, but they zip up just fine. Sometimes, since I wear clothes that are too big most of the time, when pants fit just right, to me they feel too tight. Did that make any sense? ANYWOO...........plan on doing a post tomorrow the a pants picture. TJ, (ok I am not going to cry). thank you so much. Wearing those pants yesterday made me feel like a Skinny Bitch! The joy that package gave me is worth more then anything that will be under my tree this year. From the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU.

KEEP THE MOOD AND THE FOOD REAL......FIND YOUR SKINNY BITCH

Make it easy on yourself.

I had a totally glorious weekend! Just wanted to check in quick this morning. Things are going well. I am staying crazy busy with Mr. 92 and now Mrs 82 is back home and is begging for me to come back a couple hours a week. Even if it's just to visit. I can not refuse such love. So life is busy. I am not feeling stressed. Doing my best to just stay in the moment and not try to control things.

Mr. 92's family has been just awesome. I am only going a couple times a day now, and I had yesterday off. So that was nice. I actually missed him. Took a long walk listening to to music out at my daughter's yesterday afternoon. The weather was BEAUtiful. I rarely listen to music. It reminds me of my tweeking days. I use to sit with headphones on for hours on end. Too bad, cause I love music. I have to me in just the right mood.

Church was great too. We had our Christmas program. Saturday was a extra long walk and then my church had a Breakfast Christmas party. We had a great turn out. They served a ton of fruit....yum. Then my little family had a nice lunch with my late husband's family. That was nice. They are always so sweet to my kids. My daughter has a different dad, but they treat her and her kids just like their own. We don't get together often enough. When I was married to my husband they never really liked me. Of course I was pretty unlovable at that time. It's nice to have a sweet relationship with them now.

I have lots of pics to share, but no time right now. Getting ready to have a little caroling party tomorrow night. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. Making a delish soup. Something EZ!

Keep the mood and the food real...........make it EZ on yourself.

gonna need a plan

UGG! I am so stinkin tired this morning. Slept all the way to 5:30 AM. I usually walk out the door to walk at that time. I am not feeling it this morning. Thanks for all the concern about loosing my head and the check. I never did find it. I decided that I was too damn busy to worry about it. After I looked everywhere I called and they canceled the check and I got another one last night. They were great about it. I was embrassed. I am kind of a scatter brain, but it has gotten so much worse in the last few days.

I have to talk to the family about cutting back on my hours with Mr 92. I am wearing myself out. When I gained my weight back 2 years ago this is kind of what happened. I put my desire to please and to earn extra money ahead of my healthy routine. I will not let this happen again. I will do what is best for me. Being busy isn't bad....but being so busy that everything else takes a backseat, well not this time, baby! I am going to hit the treadclimber at work this morning. No excuses.

Food has been ok. I have thought about this. I never really know what the weekly weigh in will bring. I have not counted points or calories this time around. I have tried to just change the way I eat. It has worked really well. I think not counting anything has made me not so concern with the number on the scale. I have not set any real weight loss goals. Just wanted to be able to walk up and down my stairs without thinking my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but it is working for me. I am grateful for the success I have had. Doing it this way, it hasn't felt like HELL. It's been, dare I say, fun!

I have no idea what the weekend will bring. I will only have to work very part time for the next 2 weeks. That kind of freaks me out too. Too much down time is not so good for Dana. Boredom leads to eating, leads to TCB (the crazy brain) . So I am going to need a plan. Will try to catch up on everyone's blog soon.

Have a great weekend. Have a PLAN!

P.S. I can't wait to get my size 14 levi jeans from TJ. THANKS TJ!!! Your generosity overwhelms me.

lost my head.....just breath

Am I loosing my mind? I just lost a $320 check. GRRR. Trying to get rid of this crazy brain feeling. grrr. BREATH!

don't loose your head!

Something just dawned on me. It is a week to Christmas. I still have some shopping to do. I have Carmel popcorn to make. Lots of it. My mother gave out popcorn, this googey soft Carmel popcorn. I have carried on that tradition. It's easy and it's pretty cheap to make. I am not going to get freaked out about what I have to do. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off yesterday. It was a day where easy things were hard. I went into downtown Phoenix. The 1st try I forgot the check that was to go with the paper work. Ok turn around, try again. Then get over there and drop off the paper work and I find out I had the old paper work and the cost of a daycare renewal went from $150 to $7800. HOLY HELL! I almost died. Arizona is in such financial trouble. This state's money troubles makes me look like Warren Buffet. State employees might start getting paid with IOUs. I work for a school. It's not time to worry yet, however. Just reminding myself....lol.

Mr. 92 is staying put. So I am going to be very busy for a few more days. They are going to get Hospice in, so that will help me out. I must say his daughter and her family really impress me. Bless his heart. He broke down crying at the doctor's office when they told him he was going to a group home. She just couldn't do it. The doctor confirmed what I've been telling them all along. He is actively dieing. He's stopped eating and he wants to go home. It won't be too long. He misses his wife. You know, I love doing this. I am good at it. I try to keep his spirits up and I love being there for the family. It is always a blessing in my life to be there to help people in their last days.

My intent today is not to loose my head. Yes, I am busy. Everything will get done. One 5 AM shopping trip to Walmart and I will be done. I only have to work part time for the next 2 weeks. Winter break starts Friday. I really need to limit my caffeine intake. I have been drinking diet pepsi like no other. Do not judge me. I know it's bad for me. I am working on it. I was wired yesterday. Felt like crap. Food was better yesterday. H2O was much better has well. Walking, as always. Getting ready to walk out the door right now. Don't forget to get spiritually centered as well. Ask for help and guidance. My day is always better when I do that.

Thank you so much to my fellow bloggers for all the heartfelt comments. I am so grateful EVERY DAY that I have friends like all of you! I am so behind on reading and commenting. Sometimes life is like that.

keep the mood and the food real.......don't loose your head!

Who loves you, baby?!

Well this morning was the official weigh in day. This morning I was surprised with the number 192.6. I can't believe it! Another 3.4 lbs gone. I have done better then I thought. I love this weighing in the morning thing. What took me so long! I knew I felt lighter...lol.

Still very busy with Mr. 92. I think today will be the last day. The family has taken him to the doctor. I would be surprised if they didn't admitt him. Too bad, I think he would much rather die in his chair at home. It is getting harder and harder to take care of him though.

Yesterday I thought I had tore up my knee. I got off the treadclimber and then got back on and forgot it was still running. FREAKING OUCH! Feels much better this morning and walked at a slower pace for only 30 mins.

My head wasn't in the game yesterday. When I was 17 I gave a baby boy up for adoption. My dauhgter has been trying to find him this past few days, without me knowing about it. I am register at the State Vital Stats Adoption Registry. I figured that if he wanted to find me he that would be the 1st place he would look. I would love to know him, but I don't want to intrude on his life. If he wants to find me at least he can. However my daughter said she had a feeling that this man that was registered on another adoption site might be him. The date was very close the my baby's bith date. So I was on a roller coaster of emotions yesterday. Based on the info that his wife gave me, I don't think it's him, however. Like I said ROLLER COASTER! Didn't eat my way through it though. That would have been an awesome Christmas present. My daughter is such a sweetheart. I have such great kids. I know they love their Mom, no matter how crazy she was or is....lol.

So it's back to business today. I am pushing the water and trying to eat real food, not processed stuf. My head is in a good place today as well. Feeling great! I am grateful for it. The past couple of weeks have been kind of hard emotionally. For no other reason then "the season".

Keep the mood and the food real. Appreciate those that love you!

pretty busy weekend!

Good morning to all. I have had a busy past few days. Mr. 92 is still kicking and till he gets moved to a group home I am going to go to his house 5 times a day. Crazy I know, but I was praying for a way to make alittle extra Christmas money. Prayer answered. I love it! It's hard to fit everything in, but so far, so good. It's just till Thursday or Friday. 70 lbs ago I would never have had the energy to do all this stuff! So go me!

I have been doing okay with food. Not great, still eating too much processed stuff. I jumped on the scales Monday morning for a premature peek and was happy, but I will wait to weigh again till tomorrow morning and be all official. I hope I can hold onto the loss. Though, it doesn't really matter, cause I feel lighter. I know that seems crazy, but my body just feels different. I was able to wear, comfortably, the size 16 GAP jeans that were my daughter's. They are low ride and kind of uncomfortable anyway, for me, since I usually wear MomJeans. So they are kind of baggy in the butt, but they feel ok "around me". This is totally awesome, as these were the smallest jeans that I own. Now I have to get a pair of 14s to try to fit into. Keeping my eye on the prize.

Still getting my walks in. Though that has been tricky. I really have to plan and make sure that I keep the walks up. I do this for ME TIME! I am going to watch hulu this morning on the treadclimber. Something mindless and funny. It's a good excuse to watch TV.

Nothing much else to say. Feeling better...more "Chritsmasy". No longer sitting on the "pity pot". Still got tons to do, but I know that it will get done. I am so glad that I have to cut back this year. It's been a blessing in disguise. I am going to get my little family (with the Gkids too) and go caroling to all my old people and to a few of our family friends. I will take along a little holiday treat with us to give out. I am just full of the holiday spirit today!

Keep the mood and the food real......what are you full of ...lol

do what matters most

It's been a crazy morning already. Mr. 92's SIL ( my boss ) called me early this morning. Long story short the paramedics have been to his house twice already today. It's only 10:20 AM. I had him in the shower this morning and had to slide him to the floor because he was to weak to stand. So I was one of the calls. It's too bad. They are probably going to have to put him some where to get round the clock care. It's really what he needs, but he will fight it. He is a stubborn and hard headed man. Good luck! I will do what I can. I really could use the extra money right now before Christmas. I am kind of depending on it! Things will work out, they always do.

I have done alittle more Christmas shopping and at least have a plan for the rest. I have really scaled back this year. ALOT! I am glad too. Makes me grateful for the gifts I am able to give. This makes me feel alot better, less stressed. I am in a good place this morning. Feeling good, less anxious. More energy, less boredom. When I am bored is when I eat.

I walked outside in the dark and cold this morning. It felt great. I walked with my buddy and we had a nice talk. I am really eating too many carbs, not enough fruits and veggies. A good food shop has been out of the question this week. Low on cash and I have been eating what's on hand. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. It hasn't been horrible. I am pushing the water...alot!! So that's another plus.

No big plans for the weekend. Will try to make a movie, but we'll see what happens. I am sure at some point I will go out to see the Gkids and babysit. I think my daughter has some more shopping to do. Just going to do my best to stay in the moment and enjoy my friends and family. You do the same!

Keep the mood and the food real. Do what matters most!

What do you do?

Holy Hell! I am hungry today! I want to eat everything and anything. Luckily I am at work and there is nothing here. I did find some gross little taquitos in the freezer...nuked one. Ate it and now I am feeling like ICK! Don't plan on eating another.

My emotions are still all over. Such high anxiety this morning. I was pacing. Over nothing. I was as Roxie calls it, I was "awfulizing". I have decided I am too damn good at doing that. GRR. Anyway feel better. Got myself in a good space spiritually and things got better. I have let my prayers get mundane. I need to get back to "feeling" my prayers. How will I do this? Practice, practice, practice!

I did not want to walk this morning. I didn't do my usual 45 mins on the treadclimber, but I did do 35 and then my knee was bugging me. Plus, I just felt like it was torture. Attitude is SO important! I did walk....no excuses.

Yesterday was fun. My friend hadn't seen me in awhile and she just kept telling me how good I looked. That was nice. She took me to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch. I had the salad bar and the turkey sandwich, sans bun. It was yummy. Her room wasn't too bad. So it wasn't as long a day as I thought it was going to be. We had a nice visit.

Ok...now that I told on myself about feeling so hungry, the feeling has passed for now. I will be ever vigilant, TCB can attack out of no where!

Keep the mood and food real....what do you do when all you want to do is eat??

Weigh in Wed #1

Welcome to the 1st anual Dana's Wed Weigh In. I bought a scale last night and they were kind to me this morning. It said 196. So I am back in the 100s. I really want to stay here this time. I haven't been eating good for me foods. Lots of processed food. BOOOOOO! I am feeling it in my emotions and in my energy level. I was so beat this week I tried one of those energy drinks. YICK! Plus it was useless.

The scale is down quite a bit, but that is because I had just eaten a huge sandwich and drank a big drink of water just an hour before I weighed last week. Plus I weighed in at night. I weighed in this morning. Plus, it's a new scale. So I am not breaking my arm to pat my own back. I have been pushing the water though and keeping up on my walking everyday. No excuses. I am grateful I have a treadclimber available. It has been pretty cold. I walked yesterday morning, but this morning I am downloading the new Closer and am going to the office to walk.

I am taking a personal day today. Going out to help my friend that lives about 30 miles west of my house. So it's kind of like a mini vacay. I am going to help her MUCK out her room again. This woman is around 70 years old. I took care of her hubs until he passed away about 6 years ago. I have gone on lots of trips with her since (she has had a small stroke and has broken her collar bone so she needs alittle help) I love her dearly. So it will be a good day. I feel kind of bad for her. She has accumulated alot of stuff. ALOT! Now that her daughter, SIL, and 5 Gkids have moved in with her, she is trying to move into one room. Good luck with that! She is going to have to let alot of stuff go. It really puts things into perpective for me. It's not stuff that you take with you in the end. It's the realtionships with God, yourself and with others that matter. I've seen this happen to so many old people. Kind of sad. Sad that families don't take the time with their family members while they are still here. Anyway, good for me though, cause I really enjoy them. Old people really have alot to offer. Besides, on a selfish note, they make me feel young...lol.

Have had lots of crazy stuff going through my head lately. Mostly about goals. I never made any weight loss goals when I started, other then GET HEALTHY. Anyway, will save that for another post.

Keep the mood and the food real......what matters most to you??

thanks for thinking of me!

Thank you to Terie at gatheringmyroses.blogspot.com (for some reason blogger isn't letting me link you to her blog....but check it out for sure!! ) for the Superior Scribbler Award. Sorry it took so long to remember to respond. It's been kind of crazy. I wish I could give the award to all my most favoite bloggers. Instead just look at my blog roll.

Thanks Teri!

got my halls decked!

Well I decided that this year I would put up a tree and some outside lights. I don't have alot of Christmas stuff. I have started over so many times. It's hard to keep stuff that way. Anyway, I put out what stuff I do have. I haven't done that for a few years. It makes me feel alittle merrier! I am really going to make this year different. I am!

Today is my Dad's Bday. I miss him so much. He is still near, helping me when I need it. I have felt it. He recieved a heart transplant years ago and it gave him an extra 7 years. I have the news clipping about the accident of the man that donated his heart to my dad. Overwhelming sometimes, when I really think about it. He bounced so many times, I stunned when he didn't pull through that last time. We all where. He was a chemical engineer. A geek, with a slide rule in his pocket protector. He was so witty and funny. When I was little I used to think he must stay up late night amd plan his responses. Like his life was a comedy routine....lol. Kids think crazy stuff. He could spank you in one moment and love you through it the next. I liked that about him. My mom tended to hold a grudge. At least that's how it seemed to me.

I spent all day helping Mr. 92 find a dog. GRRR! He needs a companion. Then he didn't even find one. GRR again. I really wanted to go to the movie. GRRR again. I guess it wasn't so bad. I made money instead of spending it. I should be patting myself on the back.

I think I will just stay in tonight. Read some blogs. I have been watching the old Mary Tyler Moore show on hulu.com. My dad loved that show. I forgot how funny it was. I went food shopping, got up to where I was to pay and forgot I had let my kid use my card....grrr again. Funny, looking back on the day I have been really grrry...lol. Luckily I have been able to take it all in stride. Tomorrow is church and football. I will ride out and watch with my daughter and the kids after church. I love early church. Over by noon. Mormons go to church for 3 hours on Sunday. 3 different meetings. It doesn't seem that long though. I can see how some people would think that it's crazy, but I love it....when it's EARLY..lol. Time to come home and nap. Love a Sunday nap as well.

Keep the mood and the food real. Deck the halls!

Am I emotionally ready to own a scale?

I LOVED this post this morning. http://tippytoediet.com/ Cammy said that she hasn't owned a scale in years That when she steps on the scale it's just a moment in time. What she does consistantly is what counts. I loved that it. Besides, it's so true. She said that perfectly! She is also giving away a very nice scale. You might want to check it out.

This got me thinking....am I emotionally ready to own a scale? It started yesterday. I am going to change my weigh in day and the time. I am going to have a scale in my home to weigh 1st thing in the morning.....on Wednesdays. The scale used to make or break my day. Now I can just think of it as a moment in time. Most of the time. Attitude is so important, I don't want to screw it up.

I am feeling better. I find that as a push myself to do the things that scare me or that I just plain don't want to do, I feel better. Well duh! When I am going through this Crazy Brain stuff I am anxious and scared all the time. It's a crap feeling. I haven't been very good foodwise this week. Overall it's been ok, but I have"used' food all week. Still making those 3 mile walk everyday. So that's a plus.

The holidays kick my ass. My husband was found dead on Christmas day about 13 years ago and my Dad died days after. For years I have just felt like I go through the motions of the holidays. All the time hating it. Resenting that I live far from my sisters and that my Mom and Dad are gone. Getting pissed that I never have extra money for the gifts I would like to give. Mad at myself. mostly. I am no good with money. I sometimes feel that I am so self centered that I have no imagination has what to give people that I love. What's wrong with me?? Don't answer that...lol

Have plans to sit for the Gkids tonight. Hoping to get to a before noon movie tomorrow. I still haven't seen The Blindside. This is so unlike me. I have noticed that since I have become more active, I spend less time in dark movie theatres. Go Me! My walking buddy and I have plans to try a 5 miler tomorrow morning. I can do it. It's nice to know that I can walk 5 miles. Really nice!!!

Have a great weekend. My thoughts and prayers are with a few of my friends that are really going through hard things. Watching people go through hard things let's me know that I could do it too. They are my example. Thanks!

Keep the mood and the food real. Are you emotionally ready?

stay the course

Most of you already know about this blog TJs Test Kitchen http://tjstestkitchen.blogspot.com/. This Sweetie's blog is awesome. She is an awesome cook. I want to go to her house for dinner. Check out her vlog post. It was real and honest and hit home for me. She says that this journey is hard. I know that it's true. If you don't know about this blog, check it out now.

TJ had a small gain this week. This after she had planned, prepared and went without. She was upset. I can relate. I had a 3.5 lbs weight gain this past week. I wasn't shocked, but I was disappointed. I didn't have pie or stuffing or appetizers. I had one meal. As opposed to eating several...throughout the weekend. Which is what I used to do. Still a gain.

I am not going to beat myself up over this. I am going to cut myself some slack. It could be a bunch of stuff. Hormones, water retention, had just east a sandwich. The body, she is fickle....no? I have decided that I am going to break down and buy a scale. Then change my weigh in day to Wednesday. First thing in the morning. I just don't want to turn into a scale whore. I can try it. I can always send the scale away if I start to put too much stock in the scale. There are plenty of other ways to define success, besides that DAMN SCALE.

I have messing around at this same weight for quite awhile now. Up a few. Down a bunch. Up a bunch. Yes, it's frustrating. However, me berating myself and feeling guilty is not going to help anything. In fact I know from past experience that it just makes things worse.

So what am I going to do. NOT GIVE UP. That's 1st. I think I am going up my walking to twice a day 3 times a week. That is doable. I am not going to deny myself of the things that I really enjoy this season. I mean enjoy it before and after I eat it. Like I enjoy pie, but not the way I feel after I have eaten it. Same with all the other stuff that I didn't eat. "Normal eaters" don't freak out over a big meal. they just eat less and exercise and it's gone. I really feel that attitude is the most important thing about this whole journey. I don't have to be all motivated everyday. That is unrealistic. I do however need to stay the course, stay committed to being healthy ( BEING HEALTHY ) and maintain the habits that I have acquired over the past 9 months. Good habits!

I feel good today. Not over the moon happy, but less anxious. I will take it. I got on the treadclimber this morning and I have already sucked down a half gallon of water. Now it's time to earn that paycheck. Thank everyone for all your uplifting and sympathetic comments yesterday. I couldn't do it without you. TJ was my 1st comment yesterday. I love how we help each other. It makes me happy!

Keep the mood and the food real.........stay the course

Thanksgiving 2009

Here are some pics from Thanksgiving. I haven't felt much like posting. Just don't feel like I have alot to say. Trying to ride out some Crazy Brain stuff. Sometimes I wish I would just grow up already. I just don't feel excited. About anything. Even my weight loss. I am glad, grateful and humbled, but not excited. I just feel stagnant. Nothing is really wrong. Just feeling at dis-ease.

I am not as vigilant about my food as I was. Or water. It's still a hell of alot better then last year. I am not beating myself up. Still walking or biking everyday though. It's the best part of my day!

You know, I knew in my head that if I lost weight, it would not solve all my problems. I learned that when I got clean. Just cause I got clean, things didn't get magically better. I wouldn't be magically be happy. It's an inside job. I am the only one that can change me. I wish I wasn't so afraid of change. grrrrr

Enjoy the pics......keep the mood and the food real. Make the change!

This is my 6 year old Gson. Love that face. It reminds me of his mother....lol

This is the 3 year old....he told me I was the best GeGe ever Sunday morning while I was fixing pancakes. Cute little guy.This is my walking buddy and her hubs at The Turkey Trot. We all went together.

My SIL, son and my son's BF. Oh, and Wizard, dog extraordinaire!

Cutest PIC! I love it that the boys always put their arms around each other in pics. My daughter had her Christmas lights up the weekend before Thanksgiving. Tree up the day after! That's my girl!

This is the youngest. Last year she had no hair..lol

And last but not least, the 2 and half year old. She has knockout eyes! She's going to be a heart breaker.

Me and my walking buddy, after the race~

266 is not just a number!

266 is not just a number!

I found this great blog and an opportunity to be a part of something special. This Loser is celebrating 100 followers and getting to onederland by donating a buck for every comment she gets and then a buck when you link from your blog to hers. So here it is http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/.

I don't usually enter give aways. For this one I will make an exception!

freak flag

Thanksgiving was interesting. I go to the Turkey Trot and found they only had 1 or 2 mile walks and a 10k run. My friend was signed up to do the 2...I thought I was going to do a 4 mile walk. I ended up up just doing the 2 mile. It was fun, but next time I want to plan ahead and do a least a half marathon. Not run, but walk it. Do something hard. I could do it!


The dinner part of the day was weird. My daughter's stove and burner broke down. Luckily her neighbor was out of town and she was able to use hers. Daughter, cool as a cucumber, not flustered. Then her half brother that was driving from Utah broke down in Vegas, the day before. Times were changed and assumptions were made and I thought they were quite a thoughtless bunch. My little family ate at 3, as planned. The rest of her family showed up after all the food was put way. She is still cool as a cucumber. I wanted to tell them what I thought. Instead I made up a reason to go home. She hosted another dinner. I was dead tired anyway. That way a a Happy Thanksgiving was had by all.

My daughter and the SIL love to do the wait on line at the butt crack of dawn to get the good deals. I knew that he really loved her when he was willing to wait all night for a bargain.....they are a truly a match made in heaven. My son spent the night and I went out and watched the kids while they slept all day. The kids were cracking me up. Kids really do say the darnest things.

TMI ALERT! I figured out why I was a ravenous bitch last week. I haven't my period since the middle of June...until this morning. I am so glad I don't have to do that every month still. That's a BLESSING and really something to be grateful for...lol. I really thought I was loosing it. I am glad there is a physical reason for my freak flag to be flying! So glad I just waited for things to cycle back around. My food craving are back to managable today.

Going to try to and make it to a before noon movie tomorrow. I want to see Pirate Radio. There is something I find very sexy about Phillip Seymore Hoffman. I am weird......I think Steven Tyler is sexy as well. I am a weird old lady.

I had a great phone call with my sister today. We laughed like crazy. She has a great laugh. I love her. She is thinking about moving to New Jersey. She tells me this out of no where today. People need to remember how their decisions are going to effect me. I mean....seriously! She reminded me how her moving would give me somewhere new to visit. Ok, say more things like that! I slowly coming around to the idea. What ever makes her and her sweet "old" hubs happy. They make a great couple as well. A match made in heaven, they just took the long way around getting to each other.

Will posts some pics when I get my camera back from my kid. Hope that everyone's day was as blessed as mine. I say bring on Christmas......Thanksgiving was a piece of cake!

Keep the mood and food real....let your freak flag fly! appropriately of course, that's the mom in me coming out.

back to Onederland, but just barely.

199.5 lbs. That's down 3 lbs. I will take and be happy with it. I have been still suffering with a cough and not sleeping well at night. I will live however. Was there ever any doubt? I am just on the way out the door to see how crowded the food stores are. My guess is very crowded, I might wait and go at 5 AM. That's the best time to go to the store anyway. My part for dinner tomorrow is easy. I am making my famous Yam Souflet. YUMMY!~

I am walking 4 miles in the Turkey Trot in the morning. My 1st race. I am excited about all of it! If I don't get a chance to tell you tomorrow.......GOBBLE GOBBLE TODAY. I had planned on a graditude post, but that will have to wait.

KEEP THE MOOD AND THE FOOD REAL........BE GRATEFUL!

What's Your Mantra?

Ok.....I might have over reacted yesterday....ouch! Not that all the crazy stuff didn't happen, cause it did, but I ended up handling with the appropriate grace and charm....NAUGHT! I went home early cried and went to bed early. But today I feel better. I didn't weigh in last night, but I will today. I am sure that things will be better today. I do love my job, it's just "sometimes"....I know you all know what I mean.

So today I will remember MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!~ This will be my new mantra! The other will be be THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU...IT RARELY IS~! The other one will....BE GRATEFUL, YOU INGRATE!~ I could go on and on. I think you get the point.

I have found there is no quicker way to get rid of a resentment then to do ANONYMOUS service for the victim of my resentment. GRRR. That is like swallowing bitter medicine, but it cures me 9 times out of 10! Lucky bastards.....

My life is good. Why bitch about things I have no control over. I will treat myself with love today. Making decisions that will make me feel better the long run. If I am not careful....I may just "grow up" before I'm 50! Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Keep the mood and the food real.......what's your mantra??

the day started out good!

This morning I woke up and my daughter had left me an email with this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUPQTmi65zM telling me that the song reminded her of me. Well, it is Whitney Houston's performance from last night's AMA awards. Her perform ace was stunning and the fact that daughter thought that it reminded her of me made me cry like a baby. Yes, I am a boob.

I have had a hellish day at work. I am so glad that I learned in the Four Agreement book that I shouldn't take anything personally. Cause boy oh boy i could have run with a butt load of resentments today. Instead, I can almost laugh at the situation. Almost. I am so glad that I have the ability to recognize when I am a being a A-Hole....most of the time anyway. I am grateful that I am not too proud to say when I am wrong or when I make a mistake. IT makes my life much less stressful. Being right (or even BELIEVING that you are right) all the time is exhausting....just ask Rush Limbaugh ... lol, couldn't resist.

Life is good. I am doing the best I can. It's not perfect, but it is my personal best. I did better over the weekend, but still over did it. Not sure I will weigh in this week, or just wait till after Thanksgiving. Who am I kidding....I will weigh. I have drank a bunch more water this past week, my food wasn't as bad either, but i am scared to get on after last week's 6 lb gain. I did the math wrong from last week. Just noticed it. I gained 6 not 5 lbs. SHIT!~

Keep the mood and the food real............be grateful for all things! ALL THINGS~

FEEL IT!

Feeling better today. Food was not as crazy. I focused on good for me foods and I cleaned house. Those two things really make me feel better. I kicked on the treadclimber this morning. My Ipod broke...grr. I had to bring my laptop from home so I would something to watch while walking. Going out to my daughter's for dinner tonight. Maybe she can figure out what's wrong. I hate calling any customer service place.

I am still hungry. Really hungry. Not really sure if I am hungry for food or something else. I have read a few blogs this morning about self sabotage. I know that's what I did last week, and it's spilling over into this week. That huge drop last week was shocking. I didn't work really hard that week, I was on vacation. So therefore, I decided that it wasn't earned. So I must gain it back to loose it the hard way. Does this sound crazy? Cause if feels like crazy thinking.

I feel fat today. I am still bloated and when I look in the mirror all I see is that damn fat girl staring back at me. So frustrating. Going to take it all in stride, remembering that I will feel better soon. Everything cycles back around. I have really tried to let all that resentment and anger go from the weekend. It's not easy. I have good moments and bad. All in all I think that I am making progress in that area. It really makes me feel uncomfortable to feel that low simmering anger. Best to get rid of it! For sure!

It's so helpful to be able to express all these crazy feelings. The crazy feelings won't kill me, but damn, they are uncomfortable. It's such a new thing to feel, instead feed, the feelings.

Keep the mood and the food real......feel it!

I've got what it takes!

Ok.... binge over and out! I went crazy last night. There were tootsie rolls and a chocolate bar involved. That is the 1st time I binged on chocolate since March. Something is up with me. Holidays? Who knows. What I do know is that I can do better. I will do better. I have drank lots of water and pushed myself on the treadclimber this morning. I am not getting back on the scales till Monday.

I have lost over 60 lbs since March without counting anything. I have tried to eat intuitively. We all know what foods to eat. I am going to continue to loose weight this same way. This IS NOT a diet for me. This is how I want to live the rest of my life. Do I feel better?....hell yes! Both physically and emotionally. Used to be I couldn't even get out of bed. I remember how grateful I was to just be showering and getting dressed everyday. That was the number one thing I did for myself when I 1st started this new lifestyle. Now I do that everyday.

My life is so much better then last year at this time. I am grateful for this past year. I have so much more confidence then a year ago. I have proven to myself that I can do hard things. I trust myself more then ever. It's a damn good feeling.

Blips will come and go.....but nobody or nothing can take away from me what I have accomplished these past months. The same goes for all your accomplishments! We give ourselves too little credit for the good things we are doing. Then we magnify the crap we do wrong....make it more important then it really is.

Loosing weight is not for the faint of heart. It takes guts and determination. We all have BOTH!

Keep the mood and the food real..........Remember, you've got what it takes!

I DESERVE IT

Well I had a crap weigh in. I gained back most of the weight from last week. Dang it. I am back up to 202.5, so I gained 5 lbs. I can't believe that, so I am not going to believe it. I am full of water and so stinkin full from a large lunch. Plus I weighed in the morning last time, evening this time. I am not changing my side bar...cause the 5 lbs are going to be GONE by next Monday.

Not going to let this get me down. It's just a hiccup. I am still walking and biking, and not eating crazy stuff, just lots of stuff. One bad week does not equal failure. Blah blah blah.....I need to kick my butt into gear.

Maybe I took for granted last week's loss. Like I didn't deserve it, which is stupid! I need to remind myself this isn't all about food and exercise. It's the disease of addiction and it centers in my mind. I deserve all the good things the Universe has to give me.

Keep the mood and the food real..........YOU DESERVE IT!

mind your own business

Life is not fair. It's not suppose to be. As soon as I accept that the happier I will be. I have let something have control over me this past weekend. I hate feeling all resentful and hateful. It truly makes me sick to my stomach. Is the person that upset me, upset? HELL NO.

I almost have to laugh. I spent all weekend in a food/sleep fog trying to just check out of those feelings. I fixed a big pot of WW chili and that's what I ate all weekend. Minimize the damage. I could feel a food binge coming on, so I figured I could binge on good stuff as well as McDonalds, so I went the chili route.

I walked both mornings. This morning I was up and ready to go with my buddy. It felt good. I did make it to church Sunday and to my daughter's after church, so I guess it wasn't a total fog....lol. Just felt like it. It's been actually cold in the morning. 48 degrees this morning! Brrr!

I am sure I will show a gain tonight, but it is what it is. If I could hold to even 5 of the 7 lbs I lost last week I will be happy. Last week weigh-in was a gift! I went and did a little shopping over the weekend as well. I starting to feel like myself again. Whoever she is???? LOL.

Today I set my intention to not worry about what others do. I am going to live my life as best as I can today. I have to live with me and my choices. The most important person I have to please is myself. What others do is none of my business.

Keep the mood and food real.......mind your own business

excuses! excuses!

Have been struggling a little this week. I have super tired all week. I haven't gone walking with my buddy once. I have been getting on the treadclimber, but I love the feeling of getting it out of the way early. It's been kind of cold before sunrise....whimp, I know. Excuses! I have had a crazy night time cough that is killing me. So it's better that I don't get all sweaty and cold. "sneeze"! Food has been ok, but I can see that I have eaten more this week then last. I was so busy last week, this week has been about winding down. Anyway, I biked this week (6miles) and haven't missed a day walking. I just wish I felt better.

I don't have any big plans for the weekend. I need to clean house and organize. That always makes me feel better. I am starting to feel the "it's Christmas, I think I am going to freak out" feelings. I don't like Christmas. I wish I had unlimited funds. My daughter always starts very early. She is a great gift giver. She always has been. I am kind of "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. Therefore, I worry. Then I start resenting. Stupid, I know.

Anyway, going to try and not do that this year. I always seem to feel sad as well. So I just want to make it thur the holidays in better shape then last year. Last year was my bottom. I was fatter then I had been for a couple of years. Exhausted. Taking vicodin like crazy for knee pain. When you are an addict, that will mess with your head. It took me till March to really decide why and how I wanted to loose the weight. I knew that if I started there, things would get better. I was right! Things aren't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel like I am living a better life. I am healthier, more active, and best all, a better GeGe.

I still fall short in lots of other areas of my life. But, I have lots more confidence in myself. You seriously, can not buy that feeling. It takes lots of hard work and never giving up! Actually, it's as hard as I make it on any given day.

Thanks for all the loving support I get from all of you. I know that the reason for my success this time is due in large part to the fact that I journal about what I am going thur and that I am accountable. I learn more however, when I read what you all have to say. I love blogging!

Keep the mood and the food real......don't get over whelmed. I am going to walk now! no excuses!

I MADE IT TO ONEDERLAND

Oh Happy day! I weighed in on the "official scale" and it said.....drum roll please........196.5 lbs!!!!! That's down 7.5 lbs since last Tuesday. I was so shocked I jumped off. Like I couldn't believe it! I can't believe it. I am so happy!

Sister's Weekend 2009

Has anyone noticed that I didn't weigh in this week? Well, the 'holder of the scale" is in Argentina visiting a new Gkid. It's been hard to get to the scales due to scheduling on my part or on her daughter's part. I am not freaking out about it. I am hoping I might be able to jump on sometime today. I went to a church function last night, and everyone was telling me how good I looked. I just saw them 2 weeks ago.....but whatever. I'll take it. It was a progressive dinner. Lots of healthy choices. We skipped the dessert house and came home early. I have the day off today. Went outside to walk and came back in till it gets light, since I have time this morning. DUH! My walking buddy decided to sleep in. I will probably go to the office and walk on the treadclimber. I need to finish this week's 2 fit chicks podcast. Those girls do a great job.

As promised here are some pics from Sister's Weekend 2009. This pic below is of couple of cousins. They are such cute girls!


This is pic of the older generation....damn youngsters! It's from left to right....my 2 sisters, me, my aunt ( doesn't she look good for her age...over 60 ), and her daughter. We are a goodlooking bunch.

This is breakfast with the girls. We had such a fun morning. It was long over due! We were giving the little girl tips on dealing with a bully at school...."Seriously, How old are you?" That's what we told her to say...lol. The girl in the green stripes had gotten engaged the night before. Exciting! I can't believe she is even old enough.

This is my sisters and myself at the cemetery where my mom and dad are buried. I love to walk around cemeteries. They are interesting. Especially, this one, it has lots of my relatives in it.

I should have taken more pics of the beautiful Utah landscape. I was too busy shopping and laughing. I took more pics, but when standing next to my now size 4 sister, I seemed to look fat. In my mind, I was a cow. Thank you TCB(the crazy brain). I just have to remind myself that the way I see myself is distorted. For some reason, that makes me feel better. I choose to believe what my friends and family tells me. I took all those clothes, and I ended up wearing my mom jeans and remained comfortable. All the anxiety about clothes was such a waste of time. Worry about crap like that usually is.

Well going to go for a bike ride to check on Mr. 92. Both my old people missed me. It's good to be loved! Then it's cleaning the house and then out to see the Gkids for awhile. Maybe I will take the boys on a walk at the bird park. Life is good.

Keep the mood and the food real.........don't worry, be happy!

home again, home again, jiggy, jiggy

Had a great time. Laughed alot and shopped alot. Bought just alittle. Tried not to worry about the superficial, and was pretty successful. I ate well. We shopped so much we barely had time to eat. I got on the treadmill 2 out of the 3 mornings. My sister has a home gym in her basement. SCORE! Got lots of compliments. Loved that. I was kind of a whinner. I started in with a cold the day I left and tried to fight it all weekend. I am not a "suffer in silence" kind of girl. I had a hard time sleeping, not sure why. I FELL into my bed last night. Slept so good.

Now it's time to play catch up on blogs. My boss just walked in I gave me a long list of things to do , grrrr. So catch up might have to wait. Will post some pics when I have some extra time.

I put on a skirt for church yesterday morning, and it was so loose! I just had it on like 2 weeks ago and it was fine. I was shocked! Happy and shocked.

I read the book Shattered Silence, The Story of a Serial Killer's Daughter over the weekend as well. I can not say enough good things about this book. The woman that wrote is named Melissa G. Moore. She was featurted on Dr Phil and Oprah. We are reading it for our church book club. It is a page turner for sure. Kind of hard to read in some spots. In the end it's very uplifting.

Keep the mood and the food.........

FAT GIRL FREAK OUT

Oh Sweet Crazy Brain, how you vex me. Yesterday life was grand! The perfect day. This morning I am a nut case. I can't stand how I look in any of the pants I had hemmed. Remember, it's not really got cold here in the desert, so I haven't worn long pants in a long time. I know it's just cause I am not used to seeing myself dressed that way ( girlie ) but still. My mind is playing tricks on me. Focusing on areas of my body that I hate. (stomach and arms) Instead of being DAMN proud of my accomplishments.

WTF!!! I have decided to wear what I feel comfortable in. I have borrowed so much stuff that I don't even feel like myself. I have WAY over packed, cause I need someone to help me. I think I look stupid, but again, I have TCB. My sisters will help put me together.

I am going thru other emotions too. If my sister is reading this (and I know you are, love ya) remember this is about the way I feel. You have done nothing, EVER, to make me feel this way. I compare myself to my sisters, too much. They are beautiful women inside and out. They always look like the stepped out of a magazine. I on the other hand, dress like a slump-a-dunk ( i don't know, I just made it up) and don't even wear make up.

See what I mean. I hate that I have focused so much on what to wear and if I will look good "enough". Good enough for what, to visit my sisters, that love me. This journey is about so much more then what I put in my mouth or how much I move. It's about believing that you're good enough. That you are worth all the work and sacrifice it takes to loose 60 + lbs. Believe that no matter how I look on the outside, on the inside I ROCK! And that my friends, is where it's at!

I love that I just kicked ASS on the treadclimber. That I am even willing to climb aboard is a miracle. So my bags are packed and I am ready to laugh my ass off. Cause really, who cares what I look like. It's how I FEEL that matters. Always has been, always will be.

Keep the mood and the food real.............BELIEVE!

A perfect day?!

I've been at a dead run all day. I can honestly say that this was an almost perfect day. I did everything that I felt was important. I walked the entire 3 miles this morning. Truth be told I have been only doing 2.5 lately. Had a great conversation with my walking buddy. Talking about deep stuff. I worked hard. Visited both of my old people....did I say that I love those old farts. Had lunch with my co-worker/best friend and my son. Then got my hairs cut. Then went out to see my Gkids and had dinnner with my daughter's family. Perfect day.

Even talked to both my sisters. We are all excited. I am wearing myself out tonight because if I don't I will be up at 2:30, like I was this morning. Staying up very late for me....9pm....lol Hell, I've turned into an old fart.

The scale rewarded my half assed effort last week with a 1.5 lb gain. I am at an even 204 lbs. I am ok with it. I KNOW that I have been saying "I'm ok with it" too much lately. I got on my daughter's scale tonight and it said an even 200 lbs. Too bad that's not the "official" scale....lol. I was able to put on a pair of jeans that last week wearing them was out of the question....today I wore them to work! Go figure.

I have thought more about clothes in the past week then I have in a year. CRAZY. It's exhausting.....lol! I did get my pants hemmed and will be wearing the cowboy boots. Pictures to follow.

I read Roxie's post 1st thing....LOVED IT. Thought about it and about my own life all day. Where do I want to go?? What's my life goals?? I will tell you when I figure it that out.....lol. Her post is TOTALLY worth the read. Check out my blog roll she's Gravel and Rust.

Going to bed now. Good and tired. Hope you had a perfect day as well.

Keep the mood and the food real.

Stay Healthy

Alive but just barely. Had a migraine that last for 2 days, on and off. Not so good for Dana. Missed work yesterday. Then I threw up so hard that I threw my back out. MORE FUN! I will not let this derail me from having a GREAT time with my beloved sisters. I have 3 days to get better, and as God as my witness.....I will be healthy and ready to go by Thursday.

Didn't go trick or treating Saturday. One night of candy fun was all I needed. I went to the trunk or treat Friday night at the church with the kids. They were all adorable, of course. Then my WICKED daughter sent me home with 3 and a half POUND bag of tootsie roll treats. WTFreak! Needless to say the candy went to the school. Like the kids need any more candy. As far as I'm concerned, it's every man for himself. Myself DOES NOT need 3.5 lbs of my most fave candy around. So I feel I made a good choice. My daughter, however, is now out of the will ( like I even have one....lol ).

I am going to have my pants hemmed today. My friend let me borrow some cowboy boots. I just couldn't afford any new boots. I think they look pretty hot. Except I am not a cowgirl. No one needs know to that though....hehe. So what do you think, am I too old for cowboy boots. I hate it when women dress like they are 14. I am not wearing them with fishnet stockings and a mini skirt ( I don't own either ). So they should be fine.

I guess I will wrap this up. Work to do. Weigh in tonight, since I was sick yesterday. I really don't have any expectations. I did eat candy and some other naughty stuff. So I am not expecting a loss. I would love it if I hit onderland before I go to see my sisters. However the effort just wasn't there. And that's the truth.

Keep the mood and the food real............stay healthy!

i get attached

6 am on a Saturday morning and I have been up for an hour already. Had a pretty good day yesterday. Stayed busy right up till I fell into bed. they had a trunk or treat at my daughter's church last night. So cute. Will post pics soon. Everyone decorated the trunk of their cars. Some were very creative. There was lots of people and all in all it was a success. I did break down and eat 6 little pieces of those malted milk "whopper" candies I don't even like them...STUPID! Oh well, I end up having a subway for dinner, so I didn't do too bad. Got lots of extra walking in as well. H2O intake was better yesterday......but I could still stand to improve there.

I haven't really talked about my old people lately, but I LOVE THOSE 2 OLD FARTS! Mrs 82 and Mr 92. I love going over to visit with them and help them out. I always leave feeling so much better then when I arrived. They really appreciate everything I do for them. Plus, they love me back. It's a great feeling. I do this..... I get really attached, but I can't help it. It seems like a privilege to spend their last days with them, helping them to feel comfortable and make them laugh. I try to take away the embarrassment of the situation. I think I am pretty good at it. Besides, hanging around with people over 80 makes me feel like a spring chicken! LOL. See, I am a very selfish person, I love the way it makes ME feel.

Went walking around a lake this morning and loved it. Got in about 4 miles. Then to the Farmer's Market. I think I might just take it easy till I head out to my daughter's again tonight for trick or treating. Or maybe go sit in a dark movie theatre. I have no idea what's even at the theatre. I just realized how much of my free time has changed as well . I used to never miss a new movie. I spent so much of my free time in the darkness of a theatre. Or another thing I used to do was, I NEVER MISSED OPRAH. I haven't sat down and watch an entire show in a very long time. CHANGE IS GOOD!

Keep the mood and the food real......take it easy!

more Gkid bragging...sorry

Here are my 2 Gdaughters in their Halloween costumes. A busy bee ( fits her personality. and a fairy princess, again very fitting) Stinkin cute girls, but then I may alittle prejudice. Looking forward to posting pics of the Gsons over the weekend. Lots of trick or treating to be done.

I am really lucky that I don't like candy ( expect of tootsie rolls, duh ) So this shouldn't be big a temptation. Yesterday I ate half a sugar cookie and felt sick. Frosting....YICK!

I want to thank everyone that left me an uplifting comment yesterday. When I post stuff like that I don't feel very inspirational. I feel very much in self preservation mode. I don't really like to post about my drug addiction, but sometimes when you say it aloud, you can really hear how stupid an idea it really would have been. Besides, it releases the hold it has on me. You're as sick as what you keep secret! I haven't had that strong of an urge for along time. Nice to know I still know what to do to stay on the course I have set for myself.

Hoping everyone has a Happy Halloween........stay away from that candy.

Keep the mood and the food well.........do what's best for you

It's Worth It

I have been feeling good. Really good. So what do I do when I feel like this? I'll tell you. If I am not careful The Crazy Brain will tell me that things are TOO good. When will the other shoe fall. This can't last forever. It's almost like I am willing things to go wrong.

I am loving my job right now. Things are going along really well. I feel apprecitated. So why have I been tense over nothing at work? Afraid I am forgetting something? Who knows. The bad thing is that for the past couple days I have really wanted to use. Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I am a recovering drug addict as well as a recovering food addict.

Now don't freak out. I didn't use, nor will I. However after getting off the drugs I used food as a way to cope with the feelings I didn't want to feel. I gained 90 lbs in 2 years after I got clean. So for the past couple of days I have felt at dis-ease. To me that means out of sorts. Nothing is really wrong. Everything is too good, like I said. Anyway, I have really tried my best to not eat my way thru the feelings this time. Not even binging on "good for me" stuff. I do that. ALOT. Lately.

This is not an easy journey. Life isn't suppose to be easy. It's ok. While I was on the treadcliomber this morning I had what I would call a spiritual experience. I was really pushing myself. I haven't felt like that I don't think EVER. I felt like their was a Power Greater then myself pushing me to go fast and push myself harder. I cried. Cried pretty hard. I found it be very cathartic. Guess what, now I feel fantastic! The feeling is gone. Once I tell on TCB it goes away.

This thing is HARD.........but so worth it. Keep the mood and the food real

what do you do over and over

Well I had a pretty good day yeterday. Weigh in was good....lost 2.5 lbs. Now if I can just keep it off this time. I keep gaining and loosing the same 3 lbs for about 3 weeks now. I am a half pound higher then my lowest weight. I know what to do, I just need to follow thru. I really need to up my H2O, not drinking near enough.

I am going to walk at work this morning on the treadclimber. My walking buddy is too busy to walk this morning, besides, it's kind of cold this morning. I don't like to walk by myself before dawn. Kind of scary. I have downloaded Two Fit Chicks podcast and plan to listen while I walk this morning. Kind of excited about it. If you don't know about this podcast visit Mizfit or Dietgirl. It was Shauna's book that lit a fire under my butt and got me into this bloggin thing. Thanks again Shauna!!

Things are still quiet on the homefront. Nothing earth shattering. Just lots of doing the same thing over and over. Nothing wrong with that. Building good habits. I am a creature of habit.

Keep the mood and the food real......what is something you do over and over?

enjoy peace

Well here is a picture of all the girls. Trying to get all of us to look and smile at the same time was out of the question. We had loads of fun. We shopped and played games and just hung out. I laughed, ALOT! Food was good, weigh in is tonight so we'll see how good I really was....lol. Didn't buy anything new over the weekend. Did try on some jeans, but nothing that I couldn't live without. So I went without.

I have been good about keeping up with my walks. Today I walked and then rode the bike to work. It was actually cold! I can't wait...it's suppose to rain here tomorrow and be very cold. LOVE me some weather! Cause we don't really get alot of it.

I really don't have no much to say today. Kind of trying to just catch up on blogs and work. I am still feeling pretty good. Nothing earth shattering going right this minute. So I will enjoy the peace.

Keep the mood and the food real.....

liar liar pants on fire

You know it's going to be a interesting day when you cough so hard you pee your pants (don't act like it's never happened to you) on your morning walk. Then you come home and get in the shower get out, dry off, get dressed, then take your hair out of the towel to realize that you never rinsed out the conditioner. Hit rewind! It was one of those days when simple things were hard.

I even got caught telling an untruth. Something stupid, really. Mostly it was just so embrassing. Why do I do that sometimes. Why?? I want people to like me, usually. I had a pit in my stomach most of the day after that. I used to be an excellent liar, not so much since I got sober....lol Once I got to my daughter's I started to unwind then felt exhausted. It turned out to be a good day, and I got thru it intact food wise.

My daughter made really good turkey burgers. Then I had salad. I was so busy yesterday I didn't get a chance to eat. Now that never happens. I make time to eat...lol. Got my walk in early yesterday morning. Thinking I am going to try to clean my house before I get out the door to walk this morning. It is so nice in the mornings, and this morning I can wait till later to head out the door. After it gets light.

My daughter and niece are all about shopping this weekend. Not my most fun thing to do, but I want to be where the action is this weekend. Besides maybe they can help me pick out a pair of jeans for my sister's weekend. I want to get some ankle boots as well. I have never owned a pair of them. Anyway, we'll see. I talk like I have money to spend on such things. I make myself laugh!

Hope the weekend is everything you want it to be!

Keep the mood and the food real.

Randomness

Ever have one of those days when you feel like pinching herself to make sure you aren't dreaming?? That's how I feel today. The "new to me" size 16 levi jeans are too big. I just bought them. What?? I know that they are " gently used" but it makes me totally feel like a weight loss bad ass. Even though I've gain 3.5 lbs in the last 2 weeks...lol. I have had lots of people ask today if I've lost weight. Seriously.....A girl can not get enough of that!

I ate well yesterday and so far so good for today. I rode the bike to work and home. Then I got in 2 miles in the evening. It has cooled down from last week. The evenings are wonderful! I walked at 5 am and I would like to get in another evening walk before book club.

I love me some book club! Can't wait to talk about "Mockingbird" tonight. I have been having this inner voice telling me that I should really, seriously go back to school. I can't think of anything but history that I would like to study. What would I do with a history degree?? No really, ANYBODY! Tomorrow I have a law seminar and I am not ashamed to say I am looking forward to it...we'll see how I feel after a day of it.....lol.

I have been thinking about clothes ALOT lately too. This has not happened in a very long time. I feel like a kid in high school planning out the next days outfit. It has kind of taken me off guard. Hum.... I guess I really do care about what I look like...I told myself for long that I didn't. Nice to know.

I feel good...slaphappy good. Sometimes, if I am right in the moment, I can feel joy, fleeting, but it's there. I am not going to take this for granted. I know there are lots of others who are not feeling their best. I am really going to try hard to remember how I have been feeling this past week or so. Some anxiety, but nothing like I used to have. I have been off the hormones and the zoloft for almost 3 months now, maybe longer, and I feel so much better. Better living thru science my ass! At least for me, I am not judging anyone else....AT ALL!

Having said that....I know that everything changes. I will just keep pressing forward. Being grateful for the good days....and the bad. Cause how else would I learn....lol

Keep the mood and the food real......be grateful to be right where you are.

Picture is the Gdaughters...brag much, Dana

keep winning

First off, the dreaded weigh in. I was up .5 lb. After the week I had, I will take it. I didn't put my best efforts in last week, but I did have a nice week with the Gkids. I will do better. I haven't really been eating real foods. Ok Dana, so do something about it already! Plan is in place, mojo in place!

The concert was AWESOME! Traffic was messed up and we missed about 20 mins of The Black Eyed Peas. That made me annoyed, but what are you going to do. It took us 2 hours to go about 50 miles. Crazy right?? U2 puts on a great show. Bono is just so super cool ( and handsome). They played for over 2 hours. Totally worth it.

What was awesome as well was how well I fit in my seat. How easy it was for me to walk from the car to my seat. I didn't sweat like a "fat girl". I felt comfortable in what I was wearing. I wasn't comparing myself to the other women there. Like, "am I as fat as she is" . I was just in the moment and enjoying myself. It's at times like this, as write all these wonderful changes that I CAN SEE ( I don't always give myself credit) that makes all the 5 am walks and bike rides and chicken and fish and veggies and fruit and water SO WORTH IT. It takes alot of hard work to loose weight, but it is so worth it. Actually, it's has hard as I make it. As it is with EVERYTHING in my life. Things of worth are usually hard won. I want to keep winning!

Keep the mood and the food real........keep winning

refuse to give up

I didn't make it to weigh in last night. The scale owner ( that sounds funny) was not going to be home till 6:30. I was just too hungry too wait. Then I did it good. Ate well for the meal part, but the after meal part...not so good. WTHELL?! Why would I do that. Yes, there were tootsie rolls involved, damn it, but not limited just to tootsie rolls. I scarfed down whatever I had in the house. Luckily I didn't have much on the house. Still? Why would I do that, it drives me nuts.

I am going to weigh in right after work. I refuse to give this dang weigh in any more of my energy. It will be what it will be. I will just press forward and not give up. One derail isn't going to automatically mean I am going to gain all my weight back (stupid, but TCB does sometimes does make me believe it ) Even a derail the night before a weigh in. Can anyone say SELF SABOTAGE...i knew you could.

Got up early and walked my 3 miles. Didn't ride to work, as I have to leave a lunchtime to help Mr. 92. Poor guy has got a huge cancer on his face, and needs the dressing changed daily. Good for me ( $$ ), bad for him. Anywoo.......

I am going to U2 and The Black-Eyed Peas tonight. My kid is getting his wisdom teeth out today as well. Excited for that...... the concert, not the teeth pulling..lol

Keep the mood and the food real.....refuse to give up!

back to work.

Well today it's back to the routine. I haven't really had alot to say the past couple of day. I took each Gkid one at a time. It was fun and kept me sane during this past week off. Food hasn't been perfect. The boys wanted an IHOP breakfast, so I did that twice. Made good choices, but still over ate quite a bit. I didn't get as much walking in as I had hoped. Did make it to the bird park yesterday morning for a long "stroll". I'm totally ok with all of it. I did the best I could at the time, and then I just moved on. Life is going happen.

I went with my daughter and the kids to a Pizza birthday party last night. I didn't even eat a piece of pizza! I ate a low cal burrito before I went. When I got there the parents of the Bday boy kept telling me how good I look. They haven't seen me for a while. That was nice, didn't want to blow it and eat pizza after that....lol. My daughter looked at me when I walked in her house yesterday and she asked me if I was wasting away. Seriously, who doesn't like to hear that!

I have a crazy busy week this week. Lots of good things coming up. I need to get some outfits together for my sister's trip. I really just need some pants that fit. I bought a couple from a 2nd hand store. I need to get them hemmed. Weigh in tonight, so we'll see. I really have no expectations. Hope to maintain, at least. I was up at 3:30 this morning. That really is never a good thing. I wish I could get a decent night's sleep.

Keep the mood and the food real.........the pic is of the geese that chased me amd the Gson at the bird park yesterday morning!

Enjoy your life....damn it!

Blogger is being so weird! I can't comment on so many peoples blogs. Drives me crazy. I have been awake since 2:30 am. My 20 year old son came to me with toothache pain. Guess he will be at the dentists office this morning. He really needs his wisdom teeth out. Felt so bad for him. When your child is in pain it is heart breaking. He has a pretty high tolerence for pain, but the kid was almost in tears. Don't know what we are going to do about the $$ part of it, but everything will work out. It always does.

I have been catching up on blogs this morning. I am feeling back to normal.....which is really relative...lol. Had great busy days the last 2 days. My 3 year Gson is in my bed and I had a great time with him. We hit the bird park yesterday. Even if it is still in the DAMN 90's here in the desert. Suppose to hit 100 by Saturday...seriously?! That was the only exercise I got in yesterday and today will probably be the same. I will be glad to get back to my work routine.

Food has been good. Trying to be good cause I have had limited time and it's so hot here to get outside and move. Excuses, excuses. Will do better. Not going to beat myself up. Life is life. Adjust and move on.

My sister called from Japan yesterday. Getting really excited to see her and my other sister that 1st weeekend in Nov!! My niece will coming to visit next week, really excited for that as well. Hopefully she'll go back and tell her brothers how much fun we are down here, and they will visit as well. Would love that! U2 is next week too, along with my book club for the book "To Kill A Mockingbird". Very excited for that as well. So much to discuss....it's got to be one of my all time faves! Today I start listening to the new Dan Brown book....life really is good.

The pic is of my oldest Gson....love his glasses!

Keep the mood and the food real.....enjoy your life...damn it

get out there

Today has been busy. It actually started yesterday. I decided to meet my daughter and the Gkids at the park for a picnic, then took the oldest and the youngest home for a sleep over. Worked alittle after getting them dropped off this morning. Visited both my old people. I have just finished doing alittle cleaning. I am now on the way to pick up another Gkid for another sleep over. I have been too busy to eat or feel all selfish. It's working!

Feeling better, I always do. Didn't walk this morning. Didn't plan ahead very well this morning. Will do better tomorrw. Just trying to stay in the moment and enjoy life. Food has been pretty good though. Since I missed a couple of days already this week walking, I am trying to keep the food under control. Doing pretty good. Water is no good. Will try much harder!

I have not been able to read alot of blogs the past couple of days. It does feel good though to out and doing things, instead of reading about them...lol. Sometimes it makes me nervous to sit at the computer for too long. Especially when I am not at work...lol.

Keep the mood and the food real....get out there!

Plaster that smile on...

and fake it till you make it. That's what the motto for today is. I have started my day off right. Prayer and meditation. Both a long walk and rode the bike to work. Waved as usual. Brighten me up some. I get so stuck in SELF pity some times. Today it's my intention to do things that get me out of self.

I weighed in last night and the official scale said I had gain 2.5 lbs. Not surprising, but "ouch" none the less. Going to get back into the swing of things. SELF sabotage is not going to lie to me today....well it might lie, but I'm not believing it...lol. I know what to do, just need to follow thru.


I want to thank everyone for the kind comments from yesterday. I need to GET OVER MYSELF already. Thanks Roxie, I knew what you ment and appreciated the kick in the pants. Isn't it funny how we are so different, yet so alike....all of us! Sounded like a few people were having a case of the Mondays. I am sure that the TR overdose influences how I am feeling as well....carb overload indeed....thanks Anne


I am feeling better already. Something about the weekends lately have been messing me up. I am as successful or miserable or lonely as I choose to be. Go figure. Guess I will be grateful that I am working this week. Something about having a place to go in the morning is a good thing for me. The picture was taken yesterday. Saw it on my bike ride yesterday...laughed my ass off. Just goes to show...there is a job for everyone.

Keep the mood and the food real....fake it till you make it!

why complain

Boring weekend. Nothing to report. think I am getting sick...ick. Either that or I am just in a prolonged seriously shitty mood. Food hasn't been the best, though no more tootsie rolls. Walked Saturday and biked yesterday. Not as sore as I was last Monday. I have weigh in tonight and I know that it won't be pretty.

My Gkid spent the night and kept me awake most of the night. She was up for good at 3:30AM. Then I went out and got the kids up fed and took them to the park. To let my daughter sleep in. I am just not feeling 100%. I came home and slept all day. Plan on riding the bike to weigh in, at least, for today.

Life is good and I will feel better soon. The weather has been gorgeous today. Work for tomorrow. Kind of glad of that really. I bitch about it, but seriously, what else am I doing? Yep, I am probably in a bad mood. BLAH! GRR! I can hardly stand myself.....lol

Here's to a better tomorrow............keep the mood and the food real.

just pretend it didn't happen

Have you ever seen such cute sisters in your entire life?? I'm sure the answer will be no, so I will move on. I plan on spending some time this weekend with the Gkids. Not as much as last weekend though, I do have a life! Not really, but don't tell my daughter...lol. I am thinking a sleep over, but with just Gkid. More Gkids then that and the little shits tag team me and get the best of me! I am only half kidding.

Everyone else at work gets off next week, but only at one school. The other charter school is in a different district. They don't get the the week off. So guess who has to work. **ME** I am at least taking Monday off. Both schools have Monday off so I am able to do that. Anyway, I have no money to go anywhere and I can probably leave early everyday, so I am not complaining.

Food has been much better. I just pretended that little tootise binge never happened. Let's hope the scale is as forgiving. I still have the weekend to straighten up and fly right! I have already walked this morning and plan on going back home to shower and then ride the bike back to work. I had to come early to get some checks signed.

Mood is kind of pissy today. Not sure why, probaby because my damn back hurts. And I want the week off. Man, I am swearing alot this post.......oh well.....don't get offended. I am just being bratty.

AnyHOO.....boring, grumpy day. Hope the weekend is GREAT.....for all of us! Keep the mood the food real.

tootsie set up

Where the heck did yesterday go? I was a quite busy at work, and busy today as well. I am ashamed to admit it but a bought those damn tootsie rolls at the store last night and made a huge dent in the bag. Threw the remainder in the garbage on the way to the car this morning. Man I am throwing away alot of food. Not sure what brought on the tootsie binge. Maybe BUYING them...hello. Will I never learn? TCB is cunning, baffling and powerful! Today I will do better!! I am thinking I will hit a meeting at noon. I could use a spiritual shot in arm.

Slept in kind of late. Rode the bike to work and walked on the treadclimber 45 mins. Drinking H20 like crazy, hoping to minimize the tootsie damage. I really need to food shop!

Keep the mood and the food real. Plan for success

The picture was taken in Blythe CA on the way home from a cruise. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up!!