TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY

Oh for Heaven's sake Dana, quit eating. I am eating crap that I don't even like. I haven't walked in days and I feel so FAT! I am in a state of frustration. I am having one of the best holiday seasons ever, yet I feel the need to secretly eat. I am buying stupid stuff that I haven't bought in years. I ate a Big Mac. What?? I KNOW! I know that I am in relapse mode, on food that is. This time of year is really hard for me, but in the past 3 years I haven't felt the need to eat like I have this year. I have sat around for the past 3 days (i haven't felt very good) and watched movies. The Wizard of Oz on Sunday and The Sound of Music yesterday. That's not so bad, but I could be doing other, more productive stuff. I am lost without school and I only work one day this week, Friday. Too much time on my hands. BOO!! Ok, now is the time to get it together. I haven't been eating Christmas goodies, so that isn't going to be a problem. Go throw ...

So it's Wednesday. I am done with school. Got straight A's. Pretty proud of that. I am still deciding what to take next semester. I am going to take my transcripts in from years ago and see if the transfer. I hope my math does. I suck at math. Actually, I don't know if I like it or not. I don't remember it :) I have 3 jobs this week. Today I am going to take a lady to do some errands. Tomorrow is 8 hours in a car to go to the north pole. My daughter was laughing at me when I suggested staying overnight. She didn't realize how far the trip was. Who's laughing now? It will be fine. The kids have lots of devices and I will probably do some driving. My SIL has to work the next morning. We won't be home till late. I am going to work at 9 the next day. That's not early, nor will it be all day. I am watching what I am eating, however, it's not been the best. I am not really tempted by sweets. I don't really like them. I am more of ...

I am having a boring day. My lady canceled on me today. I am trying to conserve my gas, so I decided to stay home today. I have been watching News Radio. Funny show. I decorated my house, have worked on a resume and took the practice tests for my computer final tomorrow. I talked to my sister in Japan. Went for a long walk. LONG WALK. It was freezing this morning. It felt so great. I like cold better then hot, so why do I live in Arizona?? I ask myself that every summer. I got an A on my final essay. I hope to do ok on the final in computer. I am getting anxious about money again. My 2 ladies have really decreased the time they need me. It's time to get a real job. That makes me anxious too. I need to get a resume together and get to searching. I have been checking out the job web sites. I let my self confidence get in my way. Fear is holding me back. It's time to shake off the fear, and get myself out there. Things always work out for me, but in the mean ti...

Wow! It's been awhile since I have been on to post. Things are busy with the end of the semester and with the holiday. I have been on a gaining binge. Not really sure why, but I have gained like 5 lbs since the holiday weekend. It will go away I know how to make it happen. Had a great Thanksgiving. My son and DIL hosted with her mother helping and it was awesome. Such a cute little family. Then I went and spent the night with my daughter and her family. We went to Walmart at midnight and MAN was it a mad house. I have never done Black Friday. Won't do it again. It was kind of fun just running in and running out watching people go nuts. They were out of everything my daughter wanted. All the other stuff she got online. Thank goodness for the internet. I did a little point and click myself on Monday. Got the Gkid taken care of and I am going easy on my grown up kids. I can't afford to make all their dreams come true :) School is going great and I am gearing ...

I had such a lovely night with my family last night. It's so awesome when the Gkids fight over who gets to sit by me and cry when they have to go home. Who wouldn't love that kind of love and attention. We all had dinner and then went to the temple and watched them put up the Christmas lights. They really put a lot of time and energy into their display. While we were there we watched a movie about families being forever. It really touched my heart. It was a night to remember! Ever since the Dr told me that I need to lose 20 lbs I can't stop eating. UGH!!! WTF? I know it's the rebel in me. I'll show him, I will gain weight. So dumb. I am going to make this a temporary behavior problem. I am going to get my sh*t together. I am not going to wait till after Thanksgiving or Christmas, I am going to start making improvements NOW !! I want to be around to see my Gkids grow up, get married, have their own children and successful lives. I don't know if I...

Good Tuesday morning! This past weekend was one of the best ever. First on Saturday I went for a long walk. Felt so GREAT! I forgot just how much I love my walks. Then on Saturday I went to see the movie Tower Heist. I loved it. Just what I was looking for, mindless fun where the Wall Street asshole gets his just desserts. The funniest part to me was when Mathew Broderick tried to go all bad ass on Eddie Murphy's character. It still makes me laugh. It wasn't that of a great movie, but it was just what needed. Then we came back and between 2 different friends I finished my Excel homework. I was just so grateful to have that over with. I took the practice test and another CT test. Real test is today, so I just hope I am ready. Not going to beat myself up. I did my best. If I don't get an A in Excel, I am not going to cry. I have decided that I am going to go ahead and go to the next level of Mircosoft next semester. The teacher really had to hurry us throug...

Good Morning! I hope everyone is enjoying their life where ever they are. Life is plugging right along for me. I am really struggling with excel, but I have been offered a tutor and so far I haven't needed it. It seems to just matter that it's there waiting for me. Isn't that how it is with lots of things in life. I have had this habit of living in the future. I am scared to death that even after a little school I am not going to be able to get a job that will pay enough to support me. The job I had at the school, if I get serious with myself, paid me much more then I probably deserved. I really don't have the skills to match the money I was getting. I feel like a hypocrite. I am so mad that they pay their own family too much, but it was ok when I was working there. Yep, hypocrite. Actually, I was making a living wage, not a lot, but living. I My goal is try to live in the present, that's why they call it a gift....lol. It only makes me nervous and worr...

Another job found me! More hours and good money. The only draw back is the woman never stops talking. If it was uplifting I would love it. She complained for a solid 6 hours yesterday. Bless her daughter's heart, that's all I can say. How the daughter turned out to positive in any way is a miracle! The woman is obsessed with keeping her money. She has lots of money, and she can't take it with her. Her daughter is taking her to the Dr. and dentist and trying to do what's best for her. All she sees is $$$$ "flying out the window". Her words, not mine. Anyway, I am going to do my best to be a force for good in her life. Wish me luck! I have been eating more lately. I am up 2 lbs from last week. I haven't been able to walk in a few days, which is crazy, cause the weather has been wonderful! I am going to reset my priorities and get back on track. I went food shopping, that's always a step in the right direction. I had a crazy dream last n...

I ended up having a wonderful week. I got an A on my computer test and I feel like my compare/contrast essay will knock it out of the park. I am comparing my life before and then after all my drug days. It is truly a night and day contrast. Yesterday I helped Mrs H muck out her craft room. I ended up getting a bunch of tops, 3 dresses and a nice pair of dress pants. SCORE! Every thing still had the tags on them. She really has A LOT of clothes. I was really proud of her and the way she made snap decision to keep or toss. She tossed 3 car loads of stuff. The people at Goodwill should be very happy. She donated so much crafty stuff too. My weight was up 3 lbs after the pig feast last weekend, but as of today I am back down to 188.2 lbs. SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR! I am going to go for a long bike ride this morning. It is actually cool this morning. I will need a jacket. I love this time of year. This weekend I have the kids school Halloween party party tonight then tomorrow...

They really do. I got all worked up over nothing. It did, however make me really take a good look at my future. I have some big decisions to make! At least I am going to make them and they are not going to be made for me. I am excited to vote. I am voting against the A-hole that put forth that SB1070 legislation. Feels good to be able to make my voice heard. He will probably get reelected ( this is a recall vote ). I haven't voted since I was a kid. WOW! Occupy the Vote! School today and then I visit Mrs. H. Had fun watching the baby and the girls last night. Anxious to get this day started. I walked with my old walking buddy yesterday morning. Felt like old times. I have to admit, I reverted back to stuffing the old pie hole over the weekend. Stress eating for sure. I felt like I was loosing an old friend yesterday when Roxie said goodbye. I will miss her wise words. On to see what you guys are up too. Keep the mood and the food real!

I am worthy of all good things. I am in scared of life mode again. Financial stuff always does this to me. I received a blessing last night to give me courage. I have faith things will all work out. Faith trumps fear, remember that! Keep the mood and the food real.

Well I said I wasn't going to post, but here I am. I am feeling great. Got all my homework done for the weekend, except something pretty easy. Whoopee!! It was The 2 youngest Gkids Bdays yesterday. I can't believe it has been a year since Zander was born. He is walking and has just the cutest personality. I am really blessed. Tatum is 4 and loves Hello Kitty. She got a Hello Kitty bike and I am giving her a Hello Kitty movie. Cassie sent me picture on FB of her on the bike, so cute. I weighed this morning and low and behold I am down to 188.2. I am seriously freaking out with happiness. Yesterday I was coming home from a long day and I thought I don't want to cook. I think I will go to McD's to get a Big Mac. Fortunately, I came to my senses when I saw a Subway before I got there and stopped for a sandwich instead. It's stuff like this that make me happy with myself. It wasn't even a hard decision. I just really didn't want to cook. My over...

Holy Cow! I think this is the longest I have gone without posting. That's saying something. What with school and work I have been busy. To tell the truth I really don't have a lot to blog about. Life is going well. I haven't really been dieting, but maintaining below 200. So I am happy with that. I have been enjoying my Gkids ( of course ). Last weekend it was football, this Saturday is football too. We will meet up with my son and his wife. They are loving their new home and just finished painting the downstairs a lovely yellow. My daughter and the kids have been sick so I haven't been out this week. I don't want to get sick, that's for sure. There is this head cold thing going around. I don't make a very good sick person. I haven't been keeping up with any of you either. Once I deleted my blog roll, I've gotten lazy. I only read just a few anymore anyway. I probably won't be posting as much. Like a lot of blogger, I really don...

I had a great weekend. Saturday I went to work for both of my ladies. I was icky sicky on Friday, so I made up for lost time. Then I went and picked up my Gkids, all FOUR of them Saturday evening. I am so glad I did. We had a blast. Made french toast Sunday morning. We then went for the 1st time of this season to the bird park! I love the bird park, and so do they. The 1st thing they always do is get a stick to go fishing. We spend the 1st 30 mins trying to find just the right stick :) We spent about 2 hours there. Then we headed out to their place. Javi had to give a talk in church. He and I wrote it while he was at my house. It was cute getting to watch him give the talk. Then I headed home and to bed early. That is a full weekend for me. We also stopped at Petco and I walked out with 4 new fish. Cheap fish. The kids love it. I am a sucker. I am way down on the scales for the past couple of time 191.2. Lowest in a long time. I am finding that keeping busy really...

Wow! I didn't know that I would feel this bad about his passing. I don't own a ipad or Iphone. What I do relate to is his age. So young, 56. I am 51. They have been running a clip of a commencement speech. He said to live each day like it is your last. Good advice. I am a real attitude of gratitude this morning. After abusing my body through drug and food abuse I am very lucky to be in as good of health as I am in. I haven't ever had to be hospitalized for anything other then having a baby. ( knock on wood, or my head, as I like to do ) I can still get around very well for a woman of 51. I can't run, due to a bum knee, but I do walk every morning. Sometimes I take that for granted. Not this morning. This morning I am getting on my knees and thanking a loving Heavenly Father for all the good things he has blessed me with. I have much to be grateful for! I didn't sleep well last night. Woke up at 10 pm and didn't go back to sleep until around 12:...

Monday! Where did the weekend go? My teacher found my glasses. I thought I was going to have to buy new ones. So I consider myself lucky. Saturday was Mr. King's wake. It was nice and I got to meet the family and friends that she loves to talk about. I listened to General Conference Saturday morning and then again Sunday morning. After the morning session I rode out to my daughter's and snuggled with the Gkids and read them stories and listened with one ear to Conference. They replay them on the lds.org website plus the church has a free app called The Mormon Channel. So I will be listening to what a missed this week on my walks. Stopped at my son's on the way home and unloaded the last of the fruit salad that I had left over from the wake. They are such a cute couple, and so happy to be in their cute little home. A quote that I loved from Conference was by a Young Woman leader who said "Be loyal to the royal". Meaning be loyal to yourself. The Royal ...

Friday, Friday! I have no homework this weekend. You can just imagine the huge smile on my face. I am going to redo the computer project we did in class, but that's just to make sure I can recreate it on my own. I turned in my "big" essay yesterday. I wrote about my Little Lady from last year at this time. She was easy to write about, she was such a character. It made me miss her like crazy. I am helping out tomorrow at Mr. King's wake tomorrow. I will get to meet all his family. That's the fun part. I am walking every day again. Weight is down again this week. Lowest in over a year. It feels good to have my pants falling off my butt! This weekend is also General Conference. This happens twice a year. Our church leaders come together and give us uplifting messages and guidance. You watch via the internet at lds.org. It's on at 10:00 MST. Listen in, it always makes me feel better. About life in general and about me. If you miss it live, the ...

Mr King passed away today. Yesterday his wife released back to Heavenly Father. I consider that to be the most amazing act of faith. They had just celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary at the 1st of this month. I will miss seeing them at the breakfast table drinking their instant coffee with CNN blasting in the background. They loved Nutella on toast. Every morning! I think I still have a job. She will need someone to check in on everyday. I am waiting to see if the daughter talks her into going back Ohio. I am all for whatever is best for her. I love this lady! Still not freaking out. What will be will be. I hope I can show as much faith as she has. I can do hard things. keep the mood and the food real...............

Well life has been marching on. School has been going great. I am getting better with the typing, still have a ways to go. Last Sunday the kids came over to watch the game. My daughter is a Cardinals fan and my son is a Redskins fan. My daughter brought all kinds of good stuff to eat. I had to leave early to go to church. I taught my class and it went ok. I didn't feel like I was very prepared. Next month will be better. On the food and exercise front?? Well I have been been making pretty good choices. I am down on the scales as of yesterday morning. Still wearing my size 14's. I feel really good about myself at this time. Going to enjoy it, cause I know that the tide can turn, and then I will be back to self loathing. Walking every morning at least 2 miles. I love listening to The Mormon Channel. It's an app I get on my phone and it is full of such good stuff. Technology is the BOMB! I still have boxes that need to be unpacked. My new place is bigger th...

I guess I needed to remove my blog roll. Another blogger has been attacked. I hope I can remember everyone I love. I will get it back when things settle down.

I have been having crazy dreams again. Last night I was living in bondage. I kept trying to save my Gkids from "the people." Don't ask me who the people are. Anyway, I kept waking up so I would stop dreaming it, but I kept right on dreaming the same damn thing. I finally decided to just get up. Maybe I will get a nap today. I plan on going to the computer lab this morning. Getting my assignments done. That way I will have help if I need it. I won't get as frustrated. Well, that's the plan. I need to find my mouse. My Gson has a football game this morning at 8 am. Going to go watch for awhile. Still working on the typing skills. I suck. Shelly asked how I got through Jr. High. Well in my hick town I guess they didn't think it was important. I wish so bad that I had learned it when I was young. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I am trying right now to even type properly, but I make so many mistakes. Not giving up just yet, especial...

So I walked 3 miles yesterday morning. Plan on getting 2 miles in before school. I am taking the typing class. UGH! I suck. I can't, not look at the screen. I just keep practicing. And practicing. I am not giving up just yet. My weight is up a little but that was no surprise. Yesterday Mrs. King was talking care center again for her hubs. Making me nervous, but not freaked. Got my hairs cut. Didn't have the creepy experience that Roxie did :) It is short though. Kind of glad that it is. Well I guess I didn't have that much to say. Need to get out the door. Hope every one is having a great week. Keep the mood and the food real................

Tuesday already? Well class today wasn't too bad. I have to improve my typing skills. I can't not look at the keyboard. I type so slow. Signed up for an online typing class. Anywoo, felt a lot better about computers in general. Got 100% of all assignments done. (wipes brow with hankie) Last night I had to get an in grown toe nail taken care of. Ouch! I want to walk in the morning. I will have to see how it feels in a sneaker. Wish me luck. I haven't walked with any regularity since I moved. So it's time to get back at it. Food has been crap too. Not really bad, but bad enough. I haven't been on the scales. Think I will wait a bit to do that. I fit into those 14s. Why mess with it. Had the oldest Gson over for Saturday night. Went to see Spy Kids. It was just ok. He loved it. Then we went shopping and then it RAINED!!! I know lots of excitement for rain. It poured. We were drenched between the car and front door. Of course, I couldn't ...

It was a great Bday. I went to class in the morning. First computer class. Holy Hell!! I was so lost. I felt so lost and frustrated and stressed out. I know that I went into being fearful, but WOW !! Computers kind of scare me. I know that I can do it. It will get easier, but I wanted to cry. I need to sit next to some young kid that will help me. I need one on one. Then it was off to Scottsdale to work for Mrs H. I thought we were going shopping and out to lunch, but her daughter was there, so it was hard labor for me. It wasn't bad and I only stayed a couple of hours. Then it was home to take it easy. I am telling you, that TV was the best money I've spent in the while. I know that it's a huge waste of time, but I do enjoy it. Still no more unpacking. I am not going to worry about it. When I feel like it, it will happen. I just don't have it in me. I am spent both mentally and physically. When big change is involved, even this wonderful change, I...

I am not feeling it. I wish I was. I have had a hard time bouncing back from the move. With the back and the heat I have not had any mojo. I haven't wanted to do anything. I have had a stomach bug too. I haven't been eating the best and haven't been walking either. BOO! It shouldn't last too much longer. I just need a chance to regroup. The kids talked me into buying a TV that has WiFi. So glad I did. I put it in the living room. It has gotten me out of my bedroom, which is were I have been know to hyphenate. I have been watching Cosby. Big waste of time. I should be unpacking, but like I said, not feeling it. I am still loving school. The teacher read my essay out loud in front of the class because he liked it so much. One of three read. I was so proud. It was about some one who made a difference in my life. I cried when I wrote it. This writing thing is very therapeutic. Well, duh. Why have I blogged for over 2 years. I think I am going to ta...

I am taking a day off from life. My back is killing. I was moving boxes around and pulled something. So no church. It's the bed for me. Boring. I have watched 2 seasons of Everybody Loves Raymond. Season 5 is the best. I am watching About a Boy right now and scanning blogs and facebook. Working on some homework. I am looking forward to my kids coming over tomorrow for a get together. Wish I could unpack. I have done a little, but wish it was all done. I have a bed to sleep in. I know where my clothes are and I went food shopping yesterday. I unpacked the pots and pans. So I have the basics put away. Bed rest makes me hungry. So far it's been strawberries, nectarines, corn, chicken, and it's not even dinner time. Thought the muscle relaxer my friend brought over would make me sleep. I do best with those things one at a time. When you sleep you can't eat...lol No such luck. So, guess it's back to the movie. Hope everyone is enjoying their ...

I am all moved as of 9:22 AM. It was a hot, hard job, but it's done. All the young hubs in my church were at a marriage and family class, so I got stuck with old men that couldn't lift more then 10 lbs:) That's not quite true. My son and SIL helped. I got 3 young men to help me yesterday morning, then we moved the rest of the stuff this morning. It was mostly all out by last night. The really big stuff. So I love it and I couldn't be happier. I am going to take my time unpacking and go through my crap, most of it is, and donate a lot of stuff. The air conditioning is SO much better. The place is so much bigger. I am just so glad it's done. Yesterday while I was moving I just kept thinking about what Shelly said, something about it being worth suffering for a day. She was right. I can say that now, that it's done :) I love fresh starts! Have a good long weekend. Keep the mood and the food real.......

Today is the day. It's moving day. I am anxious to see how this plays out. I only saw the new place once. I can't really remember it. I just remember that it's not this place. Moving out and up! Gotta keep it short, I have some more home work to do. Another spelling test today. Like I said, strangely not freaking out. Last night's dream? I was on a boat with Betty White and there was a typhoon. Was wondering if I should tie myself to the boat or put on a life jacket. I wonder what that means. Any thoughts? I was reading posts from this time last year. Made me cry. I stayed in that work situation for way to long. I remember how degraded I felt. Today I can see that it was the best thing that happened to me. Then I thought they had ruined my life. Getting fired at 50, on my birthday. Yep, best thing that happened to me. Keep the mood and the food real........

Things that I am grateful for this morning! That I saw 2 new dogs on my walk this morning. I like dogs, but only when they aren't mine. That it looks like I am not going to get the help I thought I was going to get to move, but strangely I am not freaking out...progress, no? I am not on any time limit, just my own. I want out of here and to have an orderly house again. That my garden is still thriving despite this heat. AND that I get to take it with me. It's all in pots! Smartest move I made this summer. That I have picked out who I am going to write my in class essay about and have actually written some notes. The day the the assignment was given! Who am I? Did I say that I am loving school? That I walked 2 miles this morning. Blisters are still a little raw. I keep forgetting to get those socks Dawn told me about. Sleep was a little better. Still dreamed I was lost in Walmart. Weird, right?? Just couldn't get home. I knew it was a dream wh...

It is 96 degrees at 4:30 am. What the Freak?? I am not going walking this morning, I don't think, anyway. The blisters are still touchy, and I wore my sneakers all day yesterday. ( bad idea ) I might go just a mile. Clear the old noggin. I am trying real hard not to get stressed out or overwhelmed by everything. The move, school, preparing for my next lesson in Sunday school, MONEY. You know the usual stuff. I think that I am just so damn happy to be getting out of here that I feel some stress falling away the closer I get. Or not. As you will see by my dream last night. I was fighting zombies till 1:30 am. They really never die. It was quite frightening. I finally woke myself up at 1:30 and wanted to cry because I really needed more sleep. So I said a little prayer that I wouldn't dream the same thing. I went back to bed. Prayer answered, but I spent the rest of night looking for my car in Walmart parking lot. With an old boyfriend that thought he was g...

Ok I am copying Roxie, but here goes, 1. My air conditioning is leaking on to the carpet. I am moving out of this sht hole in 2 days. SMILE! 2. I love my new English Composition class. Ready for my spelling test and the response I just wrote. Smile ! 3. I have a ton of friends helping me move. Smile. 4. I walked 3 miles in the heat but I did it...Smile 5. I feel like a new person! I can't wait to get into my new place! Smile. Not as long or as adventurous as Roxie's, but hey, it's a start.

I am posting to keep from walking. Those dang blisters are still a pain. I need to just double up on bandaids and bite the bullet and JUST DO IT! I took a weekend off from kids. I am planning on packing up as much of the rest of the house as possible. I definitely will have the keys on the 1st. I need to go get some cleaning stuff to get this place cleaned before I give the keys back. I am hoping that a big bunch of men from my church sign up to help me move. They usually do. If I can get the move in before the holiday week end, I am sure I will. I am getting very excited. I asked the kids to buy me some new bedding for my Bday. I want to room to totally different. I want it to be just a lovely place. That's were I spend most of my time. I sent my daughter so many emails of "suggestions" she thought she was being spammed by Kohls. :) I was bored on evening and my back hurt, sue me. There is something wrong with my Ipod. I can't get it to hold o...

Man I wore the cutest shoes yesterday to school. They gave me the cutest little blisters you ever did see. I can't hardly walk this morning without it hurting. Needless to say the cute shoes are being donated. I am the oldest person in my English class. Trying to dress like a college aged person is just not worth it. I signed up for a life time fitness class. Which means I will have free rein of the gym at school. I have to get in a 20 minute orientation class. That will happen on Tuesday. I am loving school. I am anxious for the changes that are going to happen so very soon. Usually I freak out. So far no freak. What is freaking me out is this HEAT. So sick of heat advisories. Do walking today. Blisters kill. Not getting a gkid this weekend either. I need a break from them too. I need to get my house all packed up. I will make it up to them next week. After I am in the new place. The "new place"!! Makes me so excited. Last night my friend fro...

Wow! Where did the week go? I haven't done lick of packing. My friend will be coming today and then I am going to try and get lots done Saturday. No playing this weekend. Work! Work! Work! I have been doing ok this both work and school. Weight was down again this Wed...197.6. I was pleasantly surprised once again. I have been walking all mornings but Tuesday and Thursday. I have school very early and this morning I am going to finish some homework. I was thinking of ways to make it better, so I am going to do it. I have to go over some spelling words. I am a pretty good speller, so I hope I do ok. Went to my Bishop last night and I have achieve a huge spiritual goal that I have been shooting for, for a long time. My son and his wife have bought a house. Went and looked at that. Very nice. Hope they will be happy there. Well that's really about it for now. I best get to that homework. It's suppose to be more intense heat this weekend. I will be s...

Things are crazy busy here lately! I am trying to make 3 old ladies happy ( never easy ) plus I had my Gdaughter over the weekend. Trying to eat right and get in my walking. It was mostly swimming this weekend. I am on my way out the door after this, to walk 3 miles in the dang heat. Food has been ok. 2 movies yesterday, only got popcorn with one. Went to see Sarah's Key. It's a french film with lots of subtitles, but it was very well done. I hope people will see it. It's about what the French (led by the Germans ) did to the Jews in 1942 during the occupation. I also saw the The Help last week with Mrs H. Bigotry! Some people will believe all kinds of crap to support their prejudices. Man, the friend I went to Sarah's Key with had no idea that the Germans ever occupied France. I LOVE history. Going to try and add a history class this semester. Since I got a bigger scholarship then I thought. I still can't believe that I start school on TUESDAY!...

I have great news! I got a huge scholarship that will more then pay for school. So I think I am going to go full time. I was excited when I found that out last night that I actually danced a gig! Yes, a gig. Weigh in sucked. Too many nuts. Up to 200 again. BOO! The Olive Garden Birthday Dinner didn't help either. It was lots of fun though. I have been eating good for me food. Cooking for myself more. So I can deal. The world is my oyster! I haven't been this excited in a very long time. I love school and can't wait to get my learn on. I am working for the Kings and Mrs. H and they love me and I love them. Feeling lucky and blessed, blessed, blessed! Move out is soon as well. Looking forward with faith and love. I have been walking outside. It has been HOT! But doable. So I do. This is a short post. Got to get out the door, before it get unbearable! Thanks Jackie for the guest post! Hope you all read it. Keep the mood and the food real.....

I also wanted to share a new blogger with you. Jackie @ Jackie's Arc. She asked to guest post and I readily agreed. Her blog is upbeat and very informative. Make sure you follow her! Now here's...........Jackie! Losing Weight Is Never Easy By: Jackie Clark Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could lose weight just as quickly as we can pack it on? Unfortunately, losing weight is notoriously difficult, and many people give up before they are able to lose the necessary amount of weight. Other common pitfalls are eating too many calories after a work-out, or becoming just another weekend warrior. Furthermore, there are important ways to help you lose weight consistently. It's important to consume enough calories when you are trying to lose weight, especially when you have a rare condition such as mesothelioma that is triggered from asbestos exposure. Eating too little will actually program your body into "starvation mode", so that it holds onto ca...

Happy Birthday to my wonderful daughter! I am so very blessed to have her in my life. She is smart, funny, kind, patient, and she can stand up for herself or loved ones like nobody's business. She is optimistic. When she found out that she probably couldn't have kids, she didn't let it get her down. She became a foster parent. She was so very sure she was going to get a baby. I of course was cautious and worried. She on the other hand wanted a baby shower and started buying baby stuff. About a month later she got the call about Carson. A baby boy. Then she got the call about a 3 year old adorable boy. That's how we got Javi. Then Javi's mom got pregnant. CPS called and wanted to know if she would take the baby girl. Of course! That's how we got Alivia. Then 4 months later while I was in Vegas for a wedding she got a call from CPS that Carson's mom had gotten pregnant, and would she consider taking that baby girl. She talked it over with her...

Well I was positive, but I lost my new weekend job before I ever started. They decided to stick with the woman that works with her now. She speaks Spanish and the woman knows her. I understand. It is hard on Alzheimer patients to have change. I was sad, but I wasn't really excited to travel 80 miles ( at least ) round trip. I was going to have to stay the night Friday with my daughter. Which meant sleeping on an uncomfortable bunk bed. Something else will happen for me. I took that darn resume class, yet I resist writing one. I just am not confident in my skills. Get over it Dana! I need someone to help me. It's always easier with a friend to help you talk yourself up! I know I can easily pass a test now. I just keep hearing about people so much more qualified then me getting passed over for jobs. They scan your resume and if you don't have it just right the computer turns you down. Fight that fear with some faith! Maybe I should have a professional help ...

I weighed this morning and was happy to see 198.4! That is the lowest I have been since April. For all of one week. I haven't been focusing too much on food. Just eating right. I guess the nuts weren't the worse thing ever. I have walked EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am going to do one more month at the gym. I am just starting to enjoy the weights. I am going without some other "luxuries" to pay for the gym. I will be glad when summer is over and I can go back to walking outside and riding my bike. I am going to try and keep the loss and not gain it back. That's been my M.O. for the past year. My worrying was much better yesterday. I wish I had insurance. I think I would see about getting some hormones. But I don't, so I will have to deal. Prayer and meditation will have to do for now. I just read on FB that my Gdaughter had her arm jerked out of place. I guess she was standing on the headboard and her sister pushed her off. They call it nursemai...

It's my Mother's birthday today. I love and miss her a lot. I am sure she would be so proud of all of her posterity. I wish I hadn't taken her for granted while she was still her. Cause I really did. I was wondered if she loved me while she was here, my I know for certain that she did and still does. I have been freaking out and very fearful over some money stuff that has consumed me over the weekend. I woke up this morning to find that my worries were not based in reality. It seems that I always need to be worrying about something or I don't feel right. There is something very wrong with that. VERY WRONG. I think that this is my dis-eases way of trying to trick me into smoking again. At least I never considered that an option. Still doing very well in that area. My goal this week is to focus on believing in myself and believing in my faith. To try to be more hopeful and less fearful. I have some really good things coming my way. I am going to put f...

I did it! I got my new place and dropped off a very short, but sweet 30 day notice. I kept thinking they would call me and ask a bunch of "why's". Cause that's how they are. But I got nothing! Actually, I think that their daughter is having a very serious surgery today. So I am probably the last thing on their mind. I am keeping the daughter in my prayers today. She is really one very sick young woman. And she just got married. On another happy note. (not that the daughter being sick is happy) I got another job yesterday as well. At least they told me I start next Friday. It's just a Friday/Saturday job but, it's longer hours and the wage is good. So now I have a job everyday of the week. I made a point to keep my Sundays off. Even the Saturday job doesn't start very early, so I will be able to go to my Gson's football games. This will make my daughter happy. As it does me! The games are out by where the job is. I stressed myself out ...

Note to self....stop worrying and quit being a people pleaser. Just grid up your loins and do what's best for you. Can't believe I am stressing out over writing out a 30 day notice. Stop waiting for the other shoe to fall and BELIEVE that you deserve good things. Food is better. Walked 2.5 miles. Off to work. Gonna be brave. I can do hard things!

Good Monday Morning! I had a bump in the eating road Saturday and it kind of slid into Sunday as well. I did go to my personal training on Saturday. I asked him to take it easy on me, and he did. No soreness at all. I wasn't expecting that. I have one more to go so I think I will ask him to kick it up a notch. Walked Saturday as well. Did nothing yesterday. Trying to talk myself into going today. I play this little game with myself. I only HAVE to walk 30 mins and I can go as slow as I want. Sometimes I am such a child I am going to give all my paper work to the property manager this morning. I have worked myself up into a frenzy over this. I know I said the couple had told me that they wanted me to have the new place. But they aren't stupid. I have to show I can afford it. The 2 questions on the app that threw me where of course 1. have you ever been arrested and 2. have you ever been evicted. I have to say yes to both. But I have paper work to show that I ...

Dana....STOP EATING! Throw the rest of this binge in the trash. Do it now. Message received now follow through. Hell I will eat in good times and bad. Deal with your feelings don't eat them.

Life can change in an instant! I always believed in"The Secret". You know, radiating positive energy begets positive things. I really have tried to remain hopeful despite everything going on around me. When I wrote yesterday that it was going to be the best week ever, I really meant it. Well, the cute little old couple LOVED ME. It's more hours and they even offered me more money then I asked for. They are sweet, clean, and petless!! When I asked for Sunday's off she straight away told me that is the Lord's day. When I gave her my list of references she said she could tell I was a Christian. That I radiated it. WOW! Yes, Mormons ARE Christians....the official name is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. No more explanation needed. So I left there walking on air. Then my walking buddy called and said that a young couple in our ward had posted on FB that they were moving and needed to rent their townhouse. Called right away! I wasn't ...

Good Monday morning. I have lots on tap this week. A resume class. A meeting with an adviser for school. Walking. Food shopping. Yoga. Personal training session. This morning I am going to focus on prayer and meditation. Especially the meditation. I really need to learn to slow down and listen and think things through. I was reading Roxie's blog this morning and my mantra this week is going to be "don't believe everything you feel". In church yesterday I read a story about an ancestor that loss her mother and father by the age of 6. She then was part of a handcart company that left to late in the season and got caught in an early winter. This little girl loss both her legs just below the knee and learned to walk on her stumps. She made her living by sewing with a treadle machine. Raised 8 children, loosing 2 of them to disease. I woke up with the "self pities" yesterday morning. Prayed for an attitude of gratitude. After I read that story I...

Well what a week! The room mate is gone. It was her decision, but I am really glad it's over. I will hate loosing the money, but things will work out. Some things are worth more then money. Like my mental health. She still owes me some money, but I am cutting my losses and moving on. One crappy thing. I got the record cleared, but in Arizona you can not get your record expunged. Which means that all my "past" is still on the internet for prospective employers to see. UGH! I thought that when I got everything set aside that it would be CLEARED off the court website. Not so I guess. I have put a call into a lawyer to see what I can do. Who knows?! It does say that all my right are returned, but it also says all my charges. Even the ones that were dismissed. Can I just say I hate Arizona. If my kids were not planted here I would get the hell out out of here. The heat, the politics, the policies. A very unforgiving state. Ok, done with that rant. Have a jo...

Well I got the letters in the mail over the weekend and all my charges have been set aside. I have all my rights returned. I can vote or even carry a gun if I wanted to. Not that I really want to. I can't thank my sister enough for hooking me up with that lawyer that helped me. It made me think, why didn't I do that a long time ago. Did I feel that I wasn't worth it? It didn't cost me a cent. That was the major draw back. That was my excuse. I didn't even really check into it. I have let my past define me for way to long. I am going to make it a priority to focus on my future. I am going to focus on feeling like I am worth every good thing that I deserve and I know that Heavenly Father wants me to have. I am going to try and not be my own worst enemy. You know sometimes pride is a tricky thing. It doesn't always have to be thinking your the best of the best. It can also be thinking that you are the worst of the worst. Pride in reverse. I am not...

What a wonderful day. My SIL did a great job with the baptism. Here I am with my Gson. Here is my daughter's cute little family. So proud of them. We had a nice little party after. Lots of family and friends and food. I must say I think I have the cutest Gkids ever. Of course I am sure some of you other GeGe's would say it was yours :) Going to hit the gym here in a minute. Then I am heading out to my daughter's to help with the kids at church. Make it a great Sunday!

TGIF! I am happy to report that I am happier. Things haven't really changed, but the way I responding to things have changed. I am going back to Mrs H's today. I am not dreading it. I really am just happy to be making some cash. Yesterday I went and started the admissions process for school. I have an appointment with an adviser in a couple of weeks, but think that I will take a morning and sit for a couple of hours so I can be seen sooner. I am getting excited that I am following through on something! I am still waiting for the papers to come back from the court so I can start applying for a real job. I am still enjoying having a clean head, and I have not had an urge since I have returned. I still feel very motivated to maintain my recovery. One thing that is bothering me is my thighs. They still ache like the dickens from the training session from last week. I put in a really good walk yesterday. 15 min miles. I did 3 miles. This morning I just felt so achey ...

This is going to be quick. I am up like .2 lbs. It's ok. It's just a moment in time. I am doing my best and I am ok with it. I went to see Larry Crowne. Skip it. I thought it was a snoozer. I took my niece out driving yesterday. First time she has ever driven on the street. I like being the cool auntie. I took here out on a very quiet street after we practiced in a church parking lot. She did great and I am taking her out again after I post this. I went to Mrs. H today. I am getting more hours in so I am happy with it for now. I have just been being a companion for her this week. Doing errands and lunch. It's been fun, really. I got another line on 2 more jobs so things seem to be looking up. I am feeling less crabby today. I had a nice talk with the room mate. I think she will only be here a few more weeks. She wants to go back and be with her mother if she has to have kidney surgery. I think that's a great idea. I told her I didn't want to k...